A dog goes into a bar. He is wearing an eye patch. The dog says to the bartender, "Have you heard the one about the one-eyed dog?" The bartender, who is deaf in one ear, thinks the dog is making fun of him. He asks him to leave. The dog says, "Don't you have a sense of humor, deafie?" At the end of his shift, the bartender is tired of all the jokes. Today it's a one-eyed dog. Yesterday it was a horse with rickets. The day before: ants. He lives above the bar, in a small room. He spends the night alone there, listing to his battery operated radio, which picks up only a bad jazz station. He listens to bad jazz with his bad ear.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It lost it's grip on the branch and was unable to break it's fall before reaching the ground.

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I would write a joke, but it wouldn't be funny

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Ching Chong Chinaman sitting on a wall. Along came the white man and greeted him hello.

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Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but if you set him on fire, he'll die

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride a bike Because Jimmy was a fish

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Whats blue and smells like grass? Boise States football field

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If an iPad 2 is better than an iPad 1, than what's better than an iPad 2? An iPad 3

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What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy? Nothing.He's dead.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy had cancer.

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A women leaves the kitchen.

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Theres 3 guys walking and the see a genie. He says hell grant 3 wishes. The first guy asked for sandals. The genie said"I can do that" and he got sandals. The second guy asked for rock hard abs.The genie said,"sure thing".When he looked down, he saw that he had rock hard abs. The third guy asked for a pair of pants."ok" Said the genie. And then he got a pair of pants.

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How do you divide 3426 by 78.6? With a calculator

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A guy walks into a store and buys a sandwich.

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So these two guys are in this barn f!@#$%^ this owl! no terms of service were available but i posted anyway cuz i just didnt want the best anti to be missed!

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Whats better than winning a gold in the special olympics? Not being a retard

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What did the creepy old man do to the child? Took him to baseball practice

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Why are these jokes so funny? I don't know?

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by it surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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A man in a restaurant says "Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup?" The waiter apologizes and offers to comp the meal.

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say it aloud and fast: •im sofa king stew ped •ice bank mice elf •alpha Q •mike hunt •mike ock

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What's grosser than gross? Grossest.

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What's the worst thing to find in an empty box? Nothing,It's empty

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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