Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is both deaf and blind. Driving would be an extremely hazardous action for herself and other nearby drivers.

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why did the man get arrested? because he was a thief, and thieving is completely unacceptable in a civilised society

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Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

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What's black and has ne education? A tire.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I dont really care anymore BECAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CLICHE!

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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What's the difference between a Jew and an apple? One of them is a fruit, and the other is not.

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Whats worse than 20 dead babies in a garbage can? A: The smell

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What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs going down a mountain? A: As good as dead.

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What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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Why was the walrus wearing braces? It wasn't, because it his highly unlikely that people would care about a walrus's dental issues. The walrus would most likely cope with his irregular teeth and move on with its life.

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a charmander decided to take a swim a.w. j.p.

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A man walks into a police station with a gun... He is there to turn it in, he found it on the side of the road and realized that this situation would best be handled by the proper authorities.

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I was going to write a joke about procrastination, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

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How do you catch a green elephant? you paint it red and use a Red Elephant Trap

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Why was the man's foot hurting? Because he was being fed into a wood chipper

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Why did Dracula cross the road? To get to the other unbitten virgin.

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What did the boy in the wheelchair get for Christmas? A bicycle.

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Does your iPod have zoom on it? Yeah, but it doesn't have a camera

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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5 Italian guys from Long Island

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops