What did the homeless man get for Christmas?... A warm meal, a shower, and a place to sleep courtesy of the local homeless unit.

Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

What do you call a white man sitting between two black men on a bus? A group of three people having a friendly conversation about the upcoming football season.

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? They didn't. In fact the mushroom's social anxiety had developed to the stage that he had frequent contemplations of self-harm and is in serious need of extensive therapy.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No. Well you should really try some.

What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

what did the black man say to the Muslim? "you the bomb"!

Why do bees fly? Because evolution made them

what did batman say to robin before they got in the car get in the car

What do Lebron James and Bill Murray have in common? They are both black basketball players. Except for bill murray

Why did the mexican go back to mexico? He grew up there

Your Mama is so old, that she is probrably going to die pretty soon.

Three men walk in to a bar, One ducked

If my wife has got 6 oranges in one hand and 6 apples in the other hand, what has she got? No chance of stopping an uppercut.

Q. Why was the boy depressed? A. Because he lives in a world where apparently all girls are right.

"Whats that boy? Timmy fell down the well??" Bout time

I went to the opticians to get my eyes checked. The optician said "you need glasses".

What do Justin Bieber and corn have in common? They are both fruits. Except for the corn.

What happened to the man who killed his family? Rape.

A black man wearing a belt. Oh, he has a shoelace!

To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

What did the man say when he was stabbed on the street? Nothing, because he died.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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