How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

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Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because its owner was neglecting him and the kitten later died of malnurisment

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Once there was an ugly barnical, He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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Why didn't Josh go to school? On his way to school, a majestic flying homeless man hit him in the head with a sea cucumber.

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how do you make Will Smith cry? cut off his toes and fingers.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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What did the boy with no legs get for his birthday? A bike

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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Fun Fact: If you lay out all of the veins in your body out, You will die

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what's funny about war? nothing!

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What do elves get for Christmas? Overtime.

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There once lived a man in Peru. He lived in a small apartment then died of kidney failure.

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Why was the black man arrested? He was tried and convicted in a court of law for being an accessory to murder.

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Knock knock Who's there? Dave, I've got a fucking gun. Let me the fuck in.

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what do you call a shitty anti-joke? A shitty anti-joke.

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knock knock who's there ... '*Opens the door slowly* SUPRISE BUTT SEX!

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Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

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Two boys go down stairs on christmas day. They fall and die.

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This is SPARTA! SPARTA? THIS IS MADNESS! (kicks guy down well) What is hurt! Baby dont love me, dont love me, no more. Moral: The funny thing is probably that the line makes a lot more sense all of sudden does it not?

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It was hit by a fridge.

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How many black basketball players does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They're all rather tall therefore they can reach the light source with ease.

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a cow? Getting raped by two cows.

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how do you kill justin bieber? put a bag over his head and suffercate him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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