How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Once there was an egg by the name of Steve. His name was Steve the Egg.

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What happened when Glen jumped off a building? The rope snapped his neck. He died.

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really? are people insistantly so totally stupid? Now read that again and you may notice something. :P

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What do you call a black man with big cuts on his arms? You call an ambulance to help him!

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wanna hear a cat joke? just kitten

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What did the fruit say when it was about to be sliced in half? Nothing, fruits cannot talk, duh.

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CJISTHEBEST Sticks and stones may break my bones because i have osteoperosis.

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Roses are nice, Violets are glorious, Try not to scare, Oscar Pistorius.

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Knock knock. After 1 and a half minutes of waiting, Phil assumes his friend is not home, and promptly leaves.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was really frogger in disguise

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What has a beard and bombed the World Trade Center? Osama Bin Ladin. No, but seriously he's a terrorist.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. The police who? The band.

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knock knock! who's there? Jim Jim who? Jim Goldenbach

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Why did Sally fall off the swings? She has no arms. Knock knock Whose there? Not Sally, she has no arms

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what do you call cheese that isn't yours? not your cheese, you probably stole it.

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What do you call a man with no arms in the middle of the ocean? Mike.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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What do you call a Jew reading a book in the library? Steve Goldberg. .

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Why couldn't the baby play with the blocks? It died during birth.

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whats worse than finding out there's mold in your bread? finding out the holocaust is in your bread

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Knock knock. Who's there? To To Who? To Whom.

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What's worse than a fake bomb? Do I really have to answer that?

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Why was the doctor unable to perform his surgery properly? Because he forgot his scalpel

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops