"I want a boyfriend for these cold winter nights" ... Shut up you slut go buy a blanket.

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How do you circumcise a cat? Shoot an orphan in the leg with a rail gun.

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A girl asks a Croatian bartender for a beer, the bartender replies, 'There is no beer in this bar.'

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Why did the woman come out of the kitchen? She didn't.

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What's worse than the WNBA? The Cleveland Cavaliers.

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I was about to do an triathlon, but i took an arrow to the knee. It got infected and i promptly died two days later.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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What do you call a hairy pussy? A cat.

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2 black kids walk into school

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Q: Why was the old man sad? A: Because he has a quarter super glued to the bottom of his foot

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your mum is so fat her patronas is a cake...

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Why did the boy throw his alarm clock out of the window? Because he was angry at the alarm going off

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What do you call a moldy apple? ... A moldy apple.

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Knock knock who's there atch watch who? bless you

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Why was the black person assassinated behind a drug dealers house? He was purposely shot in the leg and bled out before he could make it to help.

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What did the archangel Michael say to Jesus? "Hello, Jesus."

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What did the one stethoscope say to the other stethoscope? Nothing. Stethoscopes can't talk.

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What do a baby and a slinky have in common? They both bring a smile to your face when you push then down a flight of stairs.

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Who row's? •Liam Findlay

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because there were no cars in the way.

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whats funnier than throwing a baby off a cliff cathcing him at the bottom with a pitch fork

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Did you here about the guy who kidnapped Liam Neeson's daughter? Well, he died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops