Why was the giant centipede full? Because it just ate half a dozen purebred golden retriever puppies by hiding all day in the poopy newspapers and emerging at night to eat the defenseless baby dogs in their sleep. BUM BUM BUM KSSSH!

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Next time someone says "I have mad money"... Say "whys it mad"

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What's the difference between a radio and a bowl of potato salad? If you put batteries on a radio you can turn it on and listen to some music. If you put batteries on a bowl of potato salad it's not gonna give you any music.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The question just posed is unanswerable, as in order to state the reasoning for the chicken crossing the road, one would have to assume the a chicken has a concept of 'road'. As the chicken is an avant, we can safely say that it has no need of pavements/ sidewalks or roads. As a result, it cannot possibly have an incentive for doing so. Consider the following hypothetical analogy: you are walking in a forest, and you unknowingly cross another animals scent trail. You cannot possibly say WHY you walked across the scent trail, as you didn't know it was there. You can state your reasoning for walking in the first place, but not for crossing that specific scent trail. In conclusion, this question is unanswerable, due to the chicken's lack of knowledge about roads.

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So I was flirting with a girl at a bar the other day when this huge black guy walks up and says "Hey honey". I realized that I still had some un-addressed prejudices in me as he shook my hand, pointed out that it was a mistake anyone could make, and introduced me to a girl he had met at the college he works at.

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you go to cvs and theres a robber trying to shoot everyone and the cashier says do you have a rewards card

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A man goes into a butcher shop and says, "I bet you 350 euro that you can't reach that bit of meat," indicating a cut of beef hanging above him. The butcher looks up and says, "No way." The man says, "Why not?" And the butcher answers, "I have a huge gambling addiction, after losing my family to it, this job is all I have left" The man leaves, ruing the silly bet he had placed.

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What's the difference between ten dead babies and a Ferrari? There's no Ferrari in my garage.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This poem sucks Because violets are purple

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Why did Johnny play piano with one hand? Because he lost his other one in a mining accident when he was 10. Johnny lives in rural Perú so he had to support his 6 younger brothers and sisters by working in a child factory.

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What did the disrespectful cow say to his parents? Mooo. I hate you both

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What did Little Tommy get for chirstmas? An explanation that Santa is a lie.

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Roses Are Potato, Violets Are Booze, Im Irish and i hate Jews.

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how do u make a snooker table laugh? TICKLE ITS BALLS HAHA

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a kid says, "where are you from?" other kid says "my mom"

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what's the difference between a virginia, and steve keen? a virginia is,nt a knob

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Roses are black Violets are black Oh fuck I'm blind!

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What do trees and people have in common? If you hit them enough times with an axe they will fall over.

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What is yellow and white and goes 150 miles down a railroad track? a duck.

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Q:What's similar between a squirel and a eagle? A:Both have wings, exept for the squirrel.

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No

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What did the cat say to the dog? Communism

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What did the penis say to the vagina? Cover me, im going in.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops