A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock, whos there? Not sally

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What is green and red and flies 100 miles an hour? Super Frog.

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whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bucket 5 are alive and eating the others

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Whats worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? A landfill full of dead babies.

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A Priest and a Rabbi find a very young lost child. They both agree that their religions obligate them to find the child shelter.

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A man jumped off a 30 story building. What did he learn? Nothing. He died instatly when he hit the ground.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white and Pansies are pink.

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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I'm rubber and you're glue, neither one of us say anything because inanimate objects can't talk.

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Your mmma is so stupid when we said the drinks were in the house. She went looking for them!

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What fruit is used to make apple juice? Apples

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What do you get when you cross a badger and a paper bag? The badger is cross of course but the bag is inanimate and can't be angered.

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What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I actually take my shoes off when I jump on the trampoline.

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A. Big feet, you know what that means B. He has to order his shoes on line because they don't carry his size in stores.

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Want to hear a joke? Too bad.

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Hi im a joke i eat turtles

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"Knock-knock." "Come in, sorry that the doorbell is broken."

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Roses are red Violets are blue Grass is green Skies are blue

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Knock Knock Who did that?

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Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're parents are dead All your friends are too

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers and the middles for you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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