69.

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What do you call a person with one eye and no arms? Names.

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Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

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What did the hooker say to the black guy? How long do you want it for?

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he may forget to finish the task due to his Alzheimer's.

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Deja moo: The feeling you've heard this bull before.

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knock knock. Who is there? You have. You have who? Your entire family in my basement.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always so happy? Probably becuase he's a highly succesfull multi-million dollor recording artist with 26 grammys and 1 oscar

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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Why can't black people swim? Many of them can. It's racist to assume that.

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A man walks into a bar a bartender says, 'why the long face'? the man says 'I just walked into a bar'!!!

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

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A man walks into a bar. Three hours later, ambulances arrived, because the man was knocked out. The man who saved was known as a hero, and was awarded a medal for his good deed.

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A wise man once said a journey of a thousand steps starts with one step. The wise man also smoked weed and starved to death in a cave.

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I wondered why the piano was getting bigger. Then it hit me... I'm sorry I have visual agnosia

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Q: What's orange, hairy, and covered with gasoline? A: Definitely not a chair.

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What did George Washington say to Genghis Khan? Nothing they are both dead.

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Q. What did the chinease man say when he got flattened by a plane? A. Nothing, he died instantly.

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What do you get when you see a black man writing? A man devoted to getting a education.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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Q: How did the dead baby get to the other side of the road? A: I threw it over there.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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