Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the teacher quit her job and become a musician? Because her class was very mean to her and growing up she had always wanted to play music

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why didn't Tyron run from the police? He had no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what do you get when you have an albino black man, a lesbian middle eastern siamese twin of the female gender, a polygamist indian and a jewish native american? A very cultured and diversified posse of hostages. Take your pick.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Suzy fall off the swing? As Suzy neared the ground while swinging, her foot caught a small hole in the swingset's pebble foundation, and the power of Suzy's momentum along with the sudden stop of Suzy's swing forced Suzy to fly forward off of the swing. Suzy, seeing the silliness of her mistake, laughed it off, and tried to get back up. She quickly realized that her leg had snapped in half. Suzy will never walk again.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Bob: I have a funny knock knock joke, but you have to start it. Joe: Ok. Knock Knock. Bob: Who's there? Joe: Uhhhhhhh Bob: Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Yo mama so fat that she probably has a thyroid problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, That's what they tell me because I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the little boy with cancer ask for from the Make a Wish foundation. A cure and to lose his virginity before he dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what do you call a old guy who touches children? my dad

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock, knock. Who's there? George. George who? Oh sorry, I thought this was number 52. my mistake.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If life gives you melons. You may be dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Tim: Ya know what was wondering? Paul: What? Tim: Actually, I'm not wondering about it anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a man that likes to play baseball? A Baseball Player.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Yo mama so fat she makes blind kids cry

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why were our jokes deleted? Because it's anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Your mom is so black, i shot a bullet at her. It came back and said i need a flashlight.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

******************************************************** Okay, so there were two muffins in the oven. One muffin said, "Oh my gosh! We're gonna die!" The other muffin said, "Whoa a talking muffin!" **********************************************************

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops