What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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a charmander decided to take a swim a.w. j.p.

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What did the boy in the wheelchair get for Christmas? A bicycle.

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Does your iPod have zoom on it? Yeah, but it doesn't have a camera

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Why was the man's foot hurting? Because he was being fed into a wood chipper

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I was going to write a joke about procrastination, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

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How do you catch a green elephant? you paint it red and use a Red Elephant Trap

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Why did Dracula cross the road? To get to the other unbitten virgin.

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A man walks into a police station with a gun... He is there to turn it in, he found it on the side of the road and realized that this situation would best be handled by the proper authorities.

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Wanna hear a joke? Me neither.

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why did the man get arrested? because he was a thief, and thieving is completely unacceptable in a civilised society

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

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What's the difference between a Jew and an apple? One of them is a fruit, and the other is not.

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Diarrhea

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"It smells like up dog in here." "What's up dog?" "Not much, what's up with you?"

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Patient: Doctor, do I have cancer? Doctor: Yes. Patient: Will I live? Doctor: No. Patient: So what do I do? Doctor: SUCK IT UP!!!

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What's black and has ne education? A tire.

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how do you keep an idiot in suspense. I dont' know he still hasn't told me

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I dont really care anymore BECAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CLICHE!

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The blond detective was searching a crime scene and replied to the police officer, "I smell something fishy about this situation." She was on her period as a matter of fact, and bled all over her trousers.

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Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops