A baby crawls into a bar. He cannot walk.

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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A woman sees a sign on a store that says "husbands for sale." Curious, she walks inside. The clerk says "These men will be perfect husbands, they'll cook and clean for you and see to your every need." Shocked, the woman calls the police and reports the store for human trafficking.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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why did the mexican cross the road? Becuase his other one was stolen by a Black.

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What's harder to pick up, a football or an anvil? It doesn't matter when you lost your fingers in 'nam.

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting a handjob from Edward scissor hands

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What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

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I hate when people see me at the store and are like "What are you doing here??" and Im just like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants..."

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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Why couldn't the T-Rex clap his hands? He was dead.

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What worse than a baby nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

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The one under this is a fake. i wrote the real one

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what did nena say in the library while her and her friends were on anti-jokes? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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How do you discover a gay snowman? If the carrot is in the ass.

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Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

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What is Sally's favorite flavor ice cream? She can't eat ice cream, she's lacktose and tollerant.

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What do you call potato salad in Iceland? Edible. The fact that it happens to be in Iceland doesn't make a difference

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What are you getting for Christmas? Wasted.

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What's funny and old? I really do'nt know

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how do you make Will Smith cry? cut off his toes and fingers.

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How do you make spongebob come to Life? You kiss him????????

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What do you call a duck who votes democrat? A duck

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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