Asian son: "I'm using a calculator for my math" Asian mother: "Why not you calculatnow!"

Why was the giant centipede full? Because it just ate half a dozen purebred golden retriever puppies by hiding all day in the poopy newspapers and emerging at night to eat the defenseless baby dogs in their sleep. BUM BUM BUM KSSSH!

So, a Vulcan walks into a bar... and he doesn't say anything, because Vulcan's suppress their emotions.

Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Who me? Couldn't be.

Shah I'm being chased by a man riding instead a pig in a caravan smoking Apparently I'm a man riding on a pig in a caravan smoking

Why did the woman not wear a bra? Because she had breast cancer and got a double mastectomy.

Three men are on a plane (note this is a low altitude plane) they're are going on they're 2nd grizzly bear hunting trip in Alaska. they crash into a mountain and all die. except the pilot. he left the wreckage and died from the freezing temperatures of an Alaskan winter.

Can apples get viruses? No, they are a fruit, and fruit cannot get viruses.

Roses Are Potato, Violets Are Booze, Im Irish and i hate Jews.

You trying to be funny kid? This is a matter of security to the national degree, point zero has been compromised, unless you bring out one of these soon, I am myself going to drag your ass into prison.

Why did the pig cross the yard? Because the helicopter was chasing him.

A guy walks into a bar and laughs. Later, a green, homosexual dinosaur dentist escorts him out to play a houdini banjo.

B=boy G=girl B:hey i got a good nock nock joke but you have to start it G:okay nock nock B:whos there?

Q: What did the little jewish boy get for his birthday in 1940? A: The holocaust.

Pete and repeat are in a boat. Pete kills him self due chronic depression. Repeat laughs his ass off

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered sex offender who recently got out of federal prison after a 20 year sentence.

What do a rabbit and a plum have in common? They're both purple expect the rabbit

Why did little Lynn fall of her bike? Because she has no legs.

A Rabbi walks into a bar. He does not order any alcoholic beverages, because Orthodox Jews aren't allowed to consume alcohol except for certain times and religious customs.

No Nero, you see, a great man once told me that happiness is not something you look for and eventually find, but something that you decide that you already are.

One time I said to my friend, "There are too many black people in this country." I forgot he was black.

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why does Shelby Like Pandora? Because she prefers rap and hip hop music and Pandora helps select songs for her to listen to according to her interests.

One linners President Kinnedy did you like the parade President Lincon did you like the play

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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