- Anti Joke

Wanna hear a joke? It's here somewhere You looked :D There ain't jokes on Antijoke.com

Q: Why did the girl fell from the swing? A: Because she had no arms.

2 muffins are in an oven. One says to the other, "it's really hot in here!" the other replies, "WHOA. A talking muffin!"

jimmy walked into a bar, then walked out crying and all desperate seeing his wife cheating on him with another guy sitting in the bar. he jumped in front of a bus and was taken to the hospital. He died due serious injuries. Turns out that it wasn't his wife but her twin sister that neither jimmy nor his wife was aware of her existence.

You just made me realize something friend, and for that I am grateful, I quit and left the remains of what could have been put together again, I mean if the chance was there, I betrayed both you and myself by leaving a sinking ship. I keep telling myself that our dream has no chance of becoming real in a world where people lack what we consider vision, individuality. Now I realize that by losing faith in humanity accepting their individuality and becoming an author of fiction, I have indeed lost my own belief in a greater world, this of course being reflected upon the fact that I write fiction, rather than speeches and well, what I once considered wisdom. Its just that its lonely at the top, the wiser you become, the more alienated you become from the rest, and if others no longer grasp our concepts of wisdom, strength honor, love and such.. Then I suppose that we just end up lonely, as aliens in a world full of monkeys, until I have begun questioning myself if I am just an arrogant prick, and taken that for an answer. Then it does not matter if you have one follower or a million... ...The sensation of solitude, becomes overwhelming, I guess I have been looking around the world for a definition, rather than following my own heart. Listen, I wont pretend to be you, but I will gladly join you, but if you cannot accept us as equals, I decline. Hey on the brighter side, I always got a "man that likes men" vibe out of you, I suppose I got myself a fan huh? Someone trying to copycat me. Damn, I feel broken, or maybe I just realized how broken I have allowed myself to become, lets say you are not really a woman and where using this in order to break me. Then I gotta say you got me there, and I am not proud of that, I guess that you trying, where I gave up, makes you the better one regardless.

Japanese study of the stereotypical American man: Murica: Come on come on! Japanese: Uh yes? walks toward American Murica: Are you okay?! Japanese: Well yes I am doi.. Murica: BUSTER WOLF Punches Japanese which smacks into the ground critically wounded. Murican: OKAAAAAAAAAAAY! throws dirty trucker cap at Japanese man and leaves.* BEWARE OF THE TYPICAL AMERICAN! Study 2 American man, taught Japanese Discipline: Japanese: Herrow Mr.Educated American bows "Japanesed Murican": Fighting Pose " I SHALL STAIN MY HANDS, WITH YOUR BLOOD!" Japanese people run away Experiment fail. BEWARE EXTREMELY OF AMERICAN MAN! Nero: Nuking Japan probably created a few controversies and wrong stereotypes... After visiting the US several times, I find these manners to be of the Texan stereotype though... Educated Murican: PREDICTABO!

why did the duck swim upside-down -he was on quack

Why don’t stores sell mouse-flavored cat food? It’s a matter of marketing; tuna, chicken and liver flavors sound much more palatable to the humans buying the pet food.

What happened to the child who's mother drank and took drugs while she was pregnant? Dead.

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

I got drunk last night and woke up in a bed and that's when I saw it. A 400 pound woman was in front of me and I could see the sweat drip down her ass fat and she let out a putrid fart right in my face. It smelt like rotten eggs and cheesy cauliflower. I am horrified.

A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, I'm sorry but you have about four to six months to live. The man goes home and checks his million dollar life insurance policy.It expires in three months.

why was the little boy sad? because he had a frog stapled to his face.

What time does lunch usually begin on the other side of the world. Noon.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was attached to a bomb filled with spoons

What is the difference between a white gut and a black guy? The level of melanin in their skin.

Susan went to Chemistry class, Susan is no more. For what she thought was H20 was H2S04 (sulfuric acid.)

what are you talking about. Nets are terrible. Lakers are going to be the best.

Why was the little girl crying Someone therew a dump truck at her

What do Michael Jackson and a throbbing, greasy, overcooked Shitake Mushroom have in common? Nothing. Just nothing at all.

Teacher: What is 1+1? Student: 2 Teacher: Next time raise your hand before answering a question.

Q: What is soft, fuzzy, and lives in the woods? A: Yeti

Why couldn't little Tiffany play kickball with the other kids at recess? I chopped her legs off.

How did Jimmy lose seven pounds? I killed him.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops