Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Fire extinguisher? One puts out a fire the other one fuels it.

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roses are red violets are blue I lost my dog to typhoid it was an unfortunate case of bed luck

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Why was Jimmy sad he couldn't play the Playstation? He didnt have one

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Q: What do you call a black person flying a plane? A: A pilot.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Andy. You're late, I've been piss-arsing about waiting for you to get here.

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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A: Knock knock. B: Come in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ?cash(p)

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A black man "walks into" a club. Several minutes later he is dead. The police, in a later press conference, refuse to admit that the club ever left the officer's belt.

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Why was the man picking his nose? Because he was born without one, and found one he liked.

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Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

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A clown walks into a bar and orders a pie. After about 2 minutes, the bartender gives him a pie. Later, a blonde walks into a bar and orders a cake. After about 1 minute, the bartender gives her a cake. Then a dog walks into a bar. It doesn't order anything because it's a dog.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

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what did the dog say to the cat? nothing cause animals dont talk.

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what's the best way to remove leaves from a tree? take them off

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Although I guess there is probably no way to get on the swing with no arms unless there was another person there to aid you in the process, and that is highly unlikely because nobody wants to hang out with a girl with no arms. Still even if Suzie was helped on to the swing she wouldn't be able to swing because of her lack of arms. Maybe that person who helped her on pushed the swing with her on it bearing in mind she has no arms. In that case Suzie should stop hanging out with that person because they are very sadistic to deliberately shove a girl with no arms off a swing.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is an advisor who assists people by representing them on legal matters.

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A guy wanted to write a joke. He didn't.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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There was a blonde driving a car but she was late to a meeting so she started speeding but then a police officer pulls her over. The officer asked the blonde "Do you know how fast you were going?" to which the blonde responded "Yes, I am late to a meeting" so the police gives a ticket for speeding and she ends up going late to her meeting.

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What time is it? It depends in your location and time zone

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

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Why can't dogs fly? Because they do not have wings.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops