Knock Knock Who's there? Sorry, wrong house.

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Once there was an ugly barnical, He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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Why does everybody look at the foreign boy strangely? Because he was ugly

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Teacher: Why did you fail this test? Student: Because the hamster that gives energy to my brain just died.

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Man: I just bought this hearing aid Friend: How much did it cost Man: No it's 8 o'clock

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why did the man sell the car and bought worse one? it' s his hoby to restore cars

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Your mumma is so fat that she wears large clothes.

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How does a person with Alzheimers' poem go? Roses are red, Roses are red, Roses are red, Wait, what was I doing?

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Roses are red, violets are blue, can I have a ball? No these can't be removed

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roses are red, no one gives a shit, get back in the kitchen and bring me my chicken dips!

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What is round and bad-tempered? A vicious circle

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from a fat emo girl with a knife

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Why did i write an antijoke? Because i can't write real jokes.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they

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What do you call black people in a pool? Healthy

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What did Jamaal say when he was in Walmart? I'm Jamaal and I'm in Walmart.

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Yo mama is so fat that her doctor advised her to get some exercise or risk developing a heart condition!

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Q: What's small, round, and looks like a marble? A: A marble.

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roses are red violets are blue this verse doesn't ryhme and neither does this one

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A man walks into a butchers and asks for a loaf of bread the butcher replies " no im a butcher" The man says " its ok my bikes outside"

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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You know what's real bullshit? That stuff that comes out of a bull's ass.

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This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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