Little Johnny walked into class one day. The teacher announced their would be a pop-quiz on the declaration of independence. Johnny passed. (ic3)

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was died...

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Confucius says, I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

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Q: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? A: Taking the laws of physics into consideration, most likely nobody

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What did the magician's assistant say after the magician cut her in half?... Nothing. Her spine was severed and she died instantly.

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what do you call a girl that just took 15 loads to her face? sasha grey.

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Why does Chuck Norris always know the time? He bought a fancy new watch.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench isnt going anywhere.

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What's the difference between a ghost and a dolphin? A ghost isn't a dolphin.

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Yo' Mama is so fat, her driver's license says, "picture continued on other side."

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What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? Nothing. They're both capable of supporting a family of three.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

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What's worse than the holicost? The ninja turtles

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Yar! What be a pirate's favorite football team? The Steelers. I'm originally from Pittsburgh.

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What happened to the boy with no family? He died in a tragic car accident along with his family

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A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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why was the little boy crying? he was at his mother's funeral.

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Q: Are you a tree? A: No.

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A little girl was curious about where people come from so she asked a very controversial question. Girl goes up to her mother and ask "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Mother replies "Ask daddy." Girl says "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Father replies "Ask the dog." Girl then goes up to her dog and says "Doggy, where do babies come from?" The dog doesn't reply because it's a dog.

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What day is it today? It's "Jack Daniels Day" according to that guy with the shopping cart filled with kittens.

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How do you know there's an elephant in your refrigerator? Look at your refrigerator.

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Knock knock Who's there? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Why does Magic Johnson have to use extra-large condoms? Because he's got a giant dick and HIV.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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