Why was girl happy on the day she found out she wasn't pregnant? -It was her birthday.

A black duck walks into a bar. Duck: "I'll have a beer." Bartender: " How you paying for that?" Duck: "Put it on the tax payers."

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

What happened when a star exploded? It killed billions of other sentient beings.

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There was a golfer at the field where people usually golf. he had a golf club. so did the man next to him. The man i spoke of first hit the guy that was next to him with a golf club. Why? because he was angry at the man for shoving socks down his daughters throat and extracted her eyes with a melon scooper. This should not be humorous, the girl got blood and eye juice on her fathers new shoes when she came home.

Several of our "name brothers" have been attacked threatened and questioned almost every night since when we last talked on the phone, it turns out that these people are not after me. But after you, they have no idea that I retired years ago, and while their information is limited, you got yourself someone that is selling information on the deep web intentionally, as far as we know he might be selling you out piece by piece, and as of this point, you might be in dire danger.

Have you heats about the Guy who's parents died in à car crash... No He killen himself because of hus parents Deathstars

What do you call Chuck Norris being killed? This is impossible so we are not give it a name.

We started this thing together, I do not get it, he is like you said, just a little nerd...

A guy, arriving at the pearly gates of Heaven, asks St. Peter "Why did I die? Why me." St. Peter replies: "You died the same way everyone does. Lack of oxygen to the brain."

What is the same about a Duck and a Pickle? Neither of them can ride a bike.

That awkward moment when your brother goes to crack his neck, but he dies instead.

Roses are red Violets are blue one plus one Equals two

a blind man walks into a wall

Two elderly men were sat next to a children's playground... They were there to pick up their grandchildren because their parents were at work.

What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding Barney the purple dildo!

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

Whats orange at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby without floaties.

knock knock whos there? dave dave who ? dave starts to cry because his grandmothers oldtimers has restricted her from remembering her grandson dave.

Yolo Pierre because of Etzio tickle shits faggatron and individual nut join forces to become the shit suckers

What would happen if Obama got reelected? The economy would turn to shit.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side XD

What do you do when you see four black people and a Jew? You buy them

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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