What did the man say to the ugly woman? Your face makes my penis soft.

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boling water: why is it taking so long for you to get hard? egg: sorry, it's just because i recently got laid by a chick.

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Knock knock whose there alzheimers alzheimers who get in the van

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An American, a Canadian, and a Scottish man died in a horrible car accident. Their story was used as a lesson to keep teenagers from drunk driving.

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why did the man sell the car and bought worse one? it' s his hoby to restore cars

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What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

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Why was the little girl not allowed to see the pirate movie? It was sold out.

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roses are red, violets are violet.

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A homeless guy was walking along the beach when all of a sudden he see's what looked like to be magic genie's lamp so he pick the lamp up whipes it off then sells it for black tar herion.

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A Irish leaves and bump in to a really tall the Irish sorry boss

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Yo mama so dirty when she takes baths there are rings.

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A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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That would mean that you are not its leader, or that you are, the result would have been the same, if you are the "head honcho" they would have gone for you, and your employees. Now, if you are an employee, they would have gone for your leader, and of course you. So between us and nobody else really its fucking antijoke, are you the leader?

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Q. What did the dead man do after he died? A. Nothing. He's dead.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Why was the black man picking cotton? Because he was in an area where slavery is a socially and morally accepted practice.

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Its not for us to determine its motive, i'm sure it has its reasons

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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What did the gay man receive for christmas? AIDS

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Elvis presley was taking a poop and couldnt poop cause he was dead.

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what's better than being stabbed in the testicles with a biro? the Silversun Pickup's album Neck of the Woods

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What did the sad orphan with liver cancer get for Christmas? Pictures of dead babies to put things in perspective.

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How many black basketball players does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They're all rather tall therefore they can reach the light source with ease.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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