How many pairs of underwear do I own? Seventy-nine.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Fred: Hey man where were you last night. Steve: Why don't yo ask yo mama.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Procedes with his long difficult hunt to find another companion who accepts him for what he is, without the fear of being eaten.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Kris- "Hey! Ask me if I'm a tree! Kait&Alyssa- ".....Are you a tree?...." Kris- "No.(:"

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the man throw the clock out the window? Because he saw his ex-girlfriend walking down the street so he was trying to kill her by hitting her in the head with the clock.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do tigers dream of when they take a tiger snooze? Mike Tyson

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A Sodium atom walks into a bar. A Chlorine atom bumps into it, taking the electron, then making a bond. Suddenly, the police come in. They arrest the Chlorine atom, of course, but they also arrest the Sodium atom. He says, "what did I do?" The policemen say, "you're too ugly to be out in public."

thumb_up thumb_down -12

One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the Indian cross the road? Trail of Tears.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A father and son are involved in a car crash. The father is killed, sadly, but the boy is rushed to the hospital. The doctor prepares for surgery, and since this boy has no family-connections to her, she performs successful surgery on him, and the boy goes home after 3-5 days.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Jack and Jill went up the hill....Just kidding, it was only Jill. Jack had no legs

thumb_up thumb_down -12

"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what did the man say after he fell off the cliff nothing, he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Women's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A rabi a priest and a gay guy are praying. The rabi says amen the priest says amen the gay guy says ahh men.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A terrorist robs a walrus.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a piece of Swiss cheese with human characteristics? Abnormal.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a full refrigerator? A freezer

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the plane crash? The Pilot Wash a Loaf of Bread

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what do you get if you cross a retard with ruddell? andrew ruddel

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What the small boy with no arms or legs get fro christmas???? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -14

a kid says, "where are you from?" other kid says "my mom"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the starving african child get for his birthday Ebola

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops