Why did the penis cross the road? Because a man was humping the chicken

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Your momma is so fat when she heard about the quater pounder she thought it was for a quarter.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender said "why the long face?" The horse then panicked, and feeling threatened, it kicked the bartender with its hind legs and galloped out of the bar. A civilian took immediate control of the situation and dialed the number for animal control, who arrived shortly and tranquilized the deer and put it back in its natural habitat. Don't worry, that didn't actually happen

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Why did the man fall over...he had a stroke!

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Q: What's worse than a truckload of dead babies? A: Shoveling them out with a pitchfork.

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How do you stop a baby falling down a well? Throw a javelin through its forehead.

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Q: What did the Rabbi say to the butcher? A: "Do you have the time?"

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Why couldn'nt Sally swing on the swing? Because Sally was a carrot

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what did the little girl with no legs and no arms get for christmas? Cancer

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Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops. Would you be interested in learning more about our order? We make good use of people such as you. With all due respect, I would not exactly lend my sister to anybody that brags about engaging into intercourse with his own sister.

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Knock knock Whos there your son your son who holy shit dad just let me in

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Why don’t stores sell mouse-flavored cat food? It’s a matter of marketing; tuna, chicken and liver flavors sound much more palatable to the humans buying the pet food.

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What's worse than watching paint dry or grass grow? Watching paint dry on grass.

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A duck walks into a bar and orders 2 beers and a shot. The bartender says "That'll be four fifty." The duck says he doesn't have any money and asks if the bartender can put it on his bill. The bartender says "No." He then picked the duck up by the neck and raped him mercilessly. "That's what he gets" one patron said. "Yeah, he was asking for it"

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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I'd like to advertise the love of Jesus in Kobane. Do u join me next Monday? :D

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Justin Bieber's voice sounds like Michael J. Fox playing a theramin.

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im trying to thing of a good joke...oh wait i got one but only one... ok ready?...oh wait...i forgot it again

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How many filthy niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because I killed off all the filthy niggers.

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How did the black kid get in school? By taking the bus.

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what did one dog say to another dog? ....nothing, because they can only bark.

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How do you creep out a clown? Pet him softly and call him kitty kat while making a guttural sound that is not socially acceptable in mainstream American society.

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Why did the plane crash? Chuck Norris was sitting in it, and thus his weight was countless times larger than the lift force of the plane.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops