What happens to a blonde girl who is buying drugs off of a drug dealer? Nothing, she was an undercover police officer trying to arrest said drug dealers on the street.

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Roses are red and so is venus now kneel down and suck my penis:)

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What would Marylin Monroe be doing right now if she was alive? Clawing her way out of her coffin.

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Why did the black man take the watermelon? Because he bought it, and watermelons are delicious.

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Why did the black guy lose the race? He toke an arrow to the knee

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Q: What did the Jewish man say to the Muslim man? A: Hello, how are you today? Nice weather we're having, isn't it?

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How do you make a lumberjack cry? Kill his family

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How Many Chickens does it take to make an egg? NOrmally 2

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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Knock, Knock... Whose there? panther panther who? panth-er no panths im goin' swimmin'

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Q: Whats pointy and sharp and rhymes with life? A: A spear. It's close enough.

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Let's say you're inside a building and you are lost. You need to find directions to get out. But the building is so big almost like a maze or labyrinth. You start walking until you see 2 doors and each door is guarded by a man. Now in between the 2 doors is a message on the wall. It says: "Dear friend, I assume that you are lost and want to get out. There is hope! You have an option to choose one of these doors guarded by these men. You may ask one of these men which door leads to freedom. However, 1 guard ALWAYS tells a lie and 1 guard ALWAYS tells the truth. If you are to choose the wrong door, you will be locked in the building forever. So choose wisely and ask the right question. Good luck! Sincerely, the owner of the building." So you think to yourself and try to figure out what the hell did you get yourself into. This is a very tricking situation. You have one liar and one honest man. How can you tell which is lying and with is telling the truth? After minutes of confusion and thinking, you have finally decided to ask one guard a question. ----spoiler alert----- So you ask the guard one question. "What would the other guard say is the door to freedom?" The guard said "This door" You choose the opposite door and you are now free. The End [Explanation: You have 2 doors. Let's say door A is losing and door B is winning. If you ask the liar what would the other guard say, he we lie and say door A. So you pick the opposite door, which door B and you win. Now if you ask the truth teller what would the other guard say, he we tell the truth and say the same answer, door A. So you pick the opposite door and win]

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What did the two homosexual dolphins do when nobody was around? They continued on their way because neither of them had met.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. There is an entire spectrum of the world I am not privy to.

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What's worse than eating a baby? Eating two babies filled with maggots.

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A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

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why didn't Lebron James give me a fourth quarter?...he forgot his wallet at home and didn't have any spare change.

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what is the germans word for fat dick what is very fat hairy dick

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what did the first fire hi-grin say to the second fire hi-grin nothing they can talk it what just really awkward.

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how do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? it doesn't matter. she can't climb up a tree with only one arm.

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Whats the difference between a Dodo and an Elephant? They're both extinct. Excluding the elephant

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Yo Mama's so fat that she is at risk for diabetes

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what did the apple say to the orange, nothing fruits can't talk

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Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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