A man walks into an exam room for a doctor's appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Why was the black person assassinated behind a drug dealers house? He was purposely shot in the leg and bled out before he could make it to help.

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What's worse than a fake bomb? Do I really have to answer that?

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What's red and green and goes 500 mph? A frog in a blender.

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Knock knock Who's there? Chicken Chicken who? I can't believe you're talking to a chicken

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Why do chickens have feathers? Because chickens are birds and birds have feathers.

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What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew? One comes back from camp.

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What does a banana and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them are a police officer.

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Knock knock. Who's there? To To Who? To Whom.

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Why was the doctor unable to perform his surgery properly? Because he forgot his scalpel

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs, lying outside of your house? An ambulance, he's clearly in trouble.

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You know what's a real drag? A club foot

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What did the dealer say to the addict? Sup.

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What do we call the science of classifying living things? Racism

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Why was the clown in red shoes wearing skis? Because he likes to ski in red shoes, and he's a clown

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Put it on my bill."

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Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes.

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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. They had left the keys inside and no-one was around to help.

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An orphan falls off a cliff.

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(Pretend you're an orphan.) Knock knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

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these guys im about to shoot owen,john,henry,shawn

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Q. Why did the lotion soothe the person's skin? A. Because its ingredients were selected because of their propensity to soothe skin.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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