Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What do you call a jew in an oven? A safety hazard

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What do you call it when you take cheese that isn't yours? Stolen bitch, your under-arrest!

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A child wasn't wearing knee pads when he was skateboarding. He proceeded to fall of his board and break his arm

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A magician tells the boy to get into the box and locks him in. He wasn't a magician.

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A man walks into a bar, buys a pint of beer, talks to his friends for while and leaves.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Spilling Dr. Pepper on your carpet

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What did enzo give courtney for her 69th birthday? A cake that looked like a pussy cat named kyle

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a man walked into a bar today he suffers from depression from his wife leaving him and taking custody of the children on the grounds that he is an alcoholic and is unfit to raise children

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What do you do if you see a Mexican riding a bike? Say "Hello." It is polite.

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Is it a ironic if a man with ADD is driving a Ford Focus?

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Why did the black man steal an inhaler? Because he was broke and he had asthma.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No neither has he.

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Why did hitler cause the holocaust? YOLO

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Why did the airplane crash into the ocean? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Wanna hear a joke? Me too.

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What did Helen Keller get for Christmas? A read along book

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One, two, three, four and five

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What do you call a Muslim pilot? An accident waiting to happen

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That's not mine! it's bigger and blacker! ...where have i heard this before?

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Roses are red Violets are blue This website is dumb Your mom is going to kill you

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What's the difference between a fat boy and a thin boy? Fizzy drinks!

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What's more boring than watching grass grow? Watching grass not grow.

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What is the difference between a dead baby and a bowling ball? You can't pick up a bowling ball with a pitchfork.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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