Q. what is your favorite food? A. Chicken, burritos, sandwich, rice, hot dog, turkey, duck, carrot, broccoli, eggplant, apple, blueberry, pear, raspberry, blackberry, orange, grapes fries, chips, cheese, pretzels, worms, and candy canes.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A man walks into a doctors office and waits for his turn. After his name was called he walked up to the doctor and told him that he kept having hallucinations. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic to help with the mans addiction to LSD.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

::ring::ring::ring:: Hello? Is your refrigerator running? Yes, yes it does! Why? I work for a local home appliance superstore and we are having a special on repairs and maintenance. Would you like to try our home appliance maintenance offer? I'm sorry no! I do not actually have a refrigerator. I only have a cooler. Bye! ::the man shuts off his cell phone and sets it on top of his styro-foam cooler as he mumbles to himself alone while on his boat, "Darn advertisement offers!" and continues to fish in the middle of the lake::

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's the difference between a man and a woman? Generally speaking- biology, except in cases of transexuality.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Knock knock. Who's there? Me. Oh.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How did the Mexican cross the border? He couldn't he didn't have legs

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the black man do for his science project Which is better homemade or colonel sanders?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a chicken who crosses a road? Nothing, its still a chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? A lot.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you write an anti-joke? With the keyboard Or voice recognition software

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the water bottle say to the Itunes gift card Nothing,they're both innament object and don't have mouths.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did Mr. Moseley choose to not buy crest toothpaste this month? Because your daughter got an abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Sally has no arms. A: Knock kock? B: Whose there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: Why were minorities denied access to the bathroom? A: It was for employees only.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Whats black and white and red all over? A dead zebra

thumb_up thumb_down -12

roses are red violets are blue me + you =the perfect 2

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the cop pull over a black guy? The man was breaking the law by going 82 mph in a 70 mph zone, which resulted in a 100 doller fine. Oh and the cop was a racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did Susie fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Susie.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why shouldn't you hit a black guy on a bike? Because you would get charged with vehicular manslaughter and have the NAACP all up in your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Did you know that... Billy had a heart attack, it was sad. Now you know!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why were two black men fighting for a dollar that fell on the floor? Because they both lost their homes in the crashing market and have to care for their ill children that need money for medical expenses.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

One day, I was talking to a lamp on the phone, when I realized I had called the wrong lamp.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops