- Anti Joke

What looks good hanging from trees? Spanish moss.

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

what do you call a Mexican driving a plane? a pilot you were probably to racist to work that out

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

A boy grows up loving tractors. For birthday and Christmas each year he got a tractor toy of some kind, until the age of 17, when he finally gave up tractors and got himself a CD player. One day, listening to all the latest tunes with some headphones, he looks outside to see his neighbour's house on fire. He goes outside to find firemen trying to put out the blaze. He jumps into the blazing house and inhales as much as he can, which astonishingly puts out the blaze. A fireman confusing asked "How did you do that?" The boy replies, " I'm an ex-tractor fan."

What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

Person A: Knock Knock Person B: Who's there? Person A: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest. Open the door. Person B: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest, open the door wh-- Suddenly the door is smashed open. Tear gas grenades are rolled in, temporarily blinding Person B. He is then dragged out of his apartment by nine federal agents who proceed to beat him and throw him into the back of an FBI van.

How many of my Dad's "fishing buddies" have gone down to the basement for a "meeting", but never returned? 37 so far. I'm concerned. I seriously have never seen my dad fish. Pretty sure he doesn't own a fishing pole.

Whats the difference between Sarah Palin and Jason Voorhees? Jason has a chainsaw.

Q: Whats red and not a penis A: A lot of things

Your mother is so stupid because as a child, she was unable to keep up with what was being taught as she unfortunately had a learning disability.

[] [] Those are eyes These are teeth

Roses are red Bacon is red Poems are hard Bacon

What human can fly without holding any thing (exept cloths i dont like inapropeate jokes i dont know it a very intresting quesiton

A Jew with a boner runs into a wall, what hits first? His nose

A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital due to a large aneurysm that has burst in his brain because he walked into the bar.

9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

How many Jews can you fit in an ashtray? None

A hooded black man walks into a pharmacy, he caught a cold due to the gelid weather and bought some medicine for himself.

What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

What do 10 dead babies in a blender sound like? Idk because I was too busy masturbating.

Who needs god when coffee is cheaper

What's worse than a dog peeing on your new flower garden? A terrorist attack.

What's the difference between a piano and a goldfish? One's a piano, the other is a goldfish.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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