A kid goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor! it hurts when I do this!" The Doctor says, "Well, because you have been diagnosed with ALD, and to make matters worse you are allergic to rapeseed oil" The child then cries because he will never live past 40 years old

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What happened to the gun that was jammed? It didn't shoot.

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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Once there was a ugly barnacle. He was so ugly, everyone died. The end

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A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

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But I don't use all those things myself Nero, I do however teach people how to use it.

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Why didn't bob like night clubs? He was epileptic

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Did you hear about that man who ate 17 cheeseburgers?! I didn't.

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'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

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How do you acquire a bomb? Go to the bomb store.

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why did the black guy fall off a cliff? because he was a zombie

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hat did the fridge say to the oven your hot baby \

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What do you call a guy walking into a bar Dave, because that's his name

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing set? Because she died. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lucy.

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What's worse than burning a candle. Burning the bible. -Juanita

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How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

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How did the frog fly? It drank a magic potion. How did the snake fly? It ate the frog How the the eagle fly? It already can.

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Why wasn't the unplugged computer on?

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Roses are red, violets are blue, can I have a ball? No these can't be removed

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Why was the boy sad? because the serotonin level in his brain was significantly lower than normal.

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roses are blue violets are red crap i screwed up dont judge me

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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A little girl was curious about where people come from so she asked a very controversial question. Girl goes up to her mother and ask "Mommy, where do babies come from?" Mother replies "Ask daddy." Girl says "Daddy, where do babies come from?" Father replies "Ask the dog." Girl then goes up to her dog and says "Doggy, where do babies come from?" The dog doesn't reply because it's a dog.

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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