Roses are dead Violets are dead I'm a terrible gardener.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Yo momma so fat, when she walks she wakes the dead -Ryan Vallee

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I like it it the butt -Tyler James Nehring call me 863-670-1547

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do friends and trees have in common? They will fall over if you hit them repeatedly with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How did little Sally break her Nintendo DS? Her abusive father repeatedly abused her and punished her until she was thrown into a stone wall. As she went into the wall she crushed by another wall and broke the DS.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why can't black people swim? Many of them can. It's racist to assume that.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

There were three men walking across the road and it started to rain

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the black man say to the white man when the white man was drunk and naked on the roof dancing? Quit fucking around Brad and get off my roof or I'm calling the police because this is the third time this month.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

The elephant moonwalked. On the moon.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

antijoke is the best website.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

if life gives you lemons. squeeze one into your moms eye.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: Why was six afraid of seven? A: seven raped six's mom

thumb_up thumb_down +11

George Washington delivered a short speech to his troops before they crossed the delaware river. Here it is: "Get in the boat."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He flapped his wings, hovered, and the road crossed beneath him.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

An Jewish man worked at a bank, and ate chicken noodles for lunch and then stabbed and man playing the saxophone.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you make an apple puff? Put the apple in a large pan with some water. Cover and cook gently for 20-25 minutes until soft. Add sugar and nutmeg to taste. Transfer to a bowl and leave to cool. Cover with pastry and bake until well-risen and golden.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock knock. Who's there? Penguin. Penguin who? The penguin who apparently lives next door and somehow developed the ability to successfully interact with other species through gesture and retoric.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money, I forgot what happens right but it wasn't that funny anyway

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the black guy get a boner? The nitric oxide levels in his trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of his penis rose, causing his arteries to dilate and therefore enlarging his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Betty wanted to see time fly so she threw her alarm clock out the window. Shortly after, her mother grounded her as it was quite expensive and she had become less punctual without it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops