What can't think, see, hear, taste, or smell? A Headless Cat

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding cancer on your back

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. Why did the car crash? Because the driver was a loaf of bread. Why did the boat sink? Because the pirates attacked.

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Why did the insect play marco polo? It couldn't. Marco polo requires multiple players.

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What is one thing you can't buy at the store? Toast

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What's worse than forgetting how to spell? asghasonbma.

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So I walked upstairs and I told the guy, "No." And he then asks, "Why?"

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far away from its shoulders.

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What did the little boy say when he was sick? Nothing. He stayed in bed and slept all day.

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Tiger Woods is an American professional golfer whose achievements to date rank him among the most successful golfers of all time and Santa Claus is a very jolly fellow who brings gifts to the homes of the good children during the late evening and overnight hours of Christmas Eve.

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If you want to paint a wall red, what is the fastest way to paint it with a crying baby? The baby will get very annoying and delay your wall from being painted so you put it in its crib in another room until you are done.

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Kate

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What does mens "man sauce" and babies have in common? They're both fun to make and easy to kill...

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q: whats fat hairy and always eats mcdonalds a playboy model i lied about everything

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What's the difference between people who make dead baby jokes and people who don't make dead baby jokes? I don't avoid eye contact with people who don't make dead baby jokes.

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What do you call a man with no legs? A paraplegic.

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Why did the white man rub the black man's hair for good luck? Because it's good luck to rub a black man's hair.

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AROUND

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Two muffins are in an oven. How does that even work? Muffin pans come with either 6 or 12 muffin holders.

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Why did the little boy cry? His entire family was shot and killed at his elementary school play.

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There once was a rich man who owned a really big mansion, he's a very organised man and likes routine, every day at 6.30pm he goes for an hour long jog. One day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his mansion is on fire and he can see a little orange man running away in the distance. But he thinks nothing of it. The man has lost a lot of money, but can still afford to move into a slighty smaller, yet still very large house. The next day he goes out for his jog and when he gets back his big house is on fire and again, he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it, but has now lost even more money, and has to move into a regular size house. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his house is on fire and again he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it and has lost even more money. He is really gutted by this point and now has to move into a single bedroom flat. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his flat is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He still thinks nothing of it and has now lost all his money, and has to move into a cardboard box under a bridge. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his cardboard box is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He is sick of this and decides to chase the little orange man. When he catches him he tackles him to the ground, turns him over and asks.. did you burn down my mansion, my big house, my average sized house, my flat, and my box? The little orange man replies no.

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if life gives u lemons....chuck them back and say u wanted muffins instead!!!!!!!!!!!

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How did the guy with aids die? He died of aids

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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