Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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Why was Six afraid of Seven? Six hasn't been the same since Vientnamn

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Yo mama so fat she was diagnosed with diabetes and now has to regulate her daily intake of foods.

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Why did the chicken cross the road Banana

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no

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SPAMS!!!

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What is wrong with racism? A lot of things.

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Dying of terminal cancer.

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what is patrick wilson? smart

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Why don't seagulls live in the bay? Because then they'd be bagels

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OK, A plane carrying 200 passengers crashes on the border between America and Canada. Which side of the border do you bury the victims? Well, it would depend on where the passengers where from or what they had stipulated in their living will. I suppose some would be cremated which opens up a whole other can of worms entirely.

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A man and a woman are in bed together and really want to do something, what is that something? Sleep.

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A purple kangaroo hops into a bar. There is no such thing as a purple kangaroo. The end.

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Whats worse then reading the same joke over and over again? Getting mutilated by a cupcake.

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If you have alzeimers, wait, never mind i forget.

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What has two wings and a halo? A chinese phone. WING WING HALO?

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Why did sally fall of the swing? She didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Whats a good source of iron? A piece of iron.

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Pencils are yellow, Grass is green OK

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Why did Justin Bieber smile in his mug shot? He did not understand the consequences of his horrible actions that could have killed many innocent men, woman, or children and, in jail, there could be very dangerous people living there.

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What's more boring than watch grass grow? Watching grass not grow.

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Why did man push another man off of a building? Because he is a homocidal maniac and should be in federal prison

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Why did Jack and Jill fall down the hill? Because they were donuts

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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? You don't, Pikachu is a fictional character therefore doesn't exist

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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