Why did a guy with a lisp, v-neck, and piercings pee while sitting down? His joints hurt.

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Yo' mama's so fat, she has difficulty finding clothes that fit

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I met a man today. His name was John.

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How many Somalians can you fit in a Shopping trolley? Well rather unfortunately there is a lack of Shopping Centers in Somalia due to its corrupt government and its general poverty in comparison to a 1st world country, needless to mention the civil wars. I would guess 7 though.

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james schmitt whats your last name

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Why did the plain crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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An Irishman walks into a bar and orders a Coke.

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Why did lady gaga set her alarm? So she could get up in the morning.

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How do you stop a bus? Put the brakes on.

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A basket full of puppies can do anything, except put out a fire.

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One kid clicks his pen. The kid sitting next to home clicks his pen. They next 3 kids click their pens. The teacher walks by and says "monkey see monkey do." And the kid that first clicked his pen responded and says "monkey pees all over you."

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if you are what you eat then arent pornstars considered vaginas?

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What did one rock say to the other rock? Nothing, rocks are inanimate objects, therefore rendering them unable to participate in the activity of speech.

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What do you call a Mexican mixed with a platypus? a pineapple

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What rhymes with sloth? Cloth

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance ? it was dead.

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Robin, get into the Batmobile.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Hodor

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what is white and sticky? glue.

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Do you want to hear a joke? Sure. Justin Bieber is straight.

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What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

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fart

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Q:What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? A: It varies. But most dental offices are open for service between 8am and 4pm

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there are two hicks named Billy Bob and Joe. Billy Bob decides to go to college so he goes to sign up for classes. The Dean of the school decides to help him out and tells him he will be taking math, writing, and logic. Billy Bob is okay with the math and writing but then asks "what the hell is logic?" The Dean thinks for a moment and then says "Okay for example, do you have a weedwacker?" Billy Bob says "yeah i got a weed wacker" so then Dean says "So that probably means you have a yard." Billy Bob goes "yeah i got a yard" So the Dean says "so if youve got a yard you've probably got a house." Billy Bob goes "hell ya i got a house!" The Dean says "and if youve got a house that probably means you've got a wife." Billy Bob goes "ya! i got a wife" so the Dean says "If you have a wife then that means you are heterosexual" and Billy Bob goes "of course im heterosexual!" So the Dean goes "See Billy Bob, thats logic." Amazed by this, Billy Bob goes back to Joe and starts to tell him about his classes. He explains he will be taking math, writing and logic. Joe is confused so he asked Billy Bob "what the hell is logic!?" Billy Bob thinks for a moment and goes "okay how can i explain this....okay joe, do you have a weed wacker?" and Joe responds "no Billy Bob i dont got a week wacker..." Billy Bob: "I KNEW YOU WAS A HOMOSEXUAL!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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