If life throws you lemons, get under some shelter so you don't get pelted by flying fruit and worry about making lemonade later.

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A: What dose God listen to? B: Slayer. A: Trick Question, God=Slayer

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what did the dog say to the cat? nothing cause animals dont talk.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Although I guess there is probably no way to get on the swing with no arms unless there was another person there to aid you in the process, and that is highly unlikely because nobody wants to hang out with a girl with no arms. Still even if Suzie was helped on to the swing she wouldn't be able to swing because of her lack of arms. Maybe that person who helped her on pushed the swing with her on it bearing in mind she has no arms. In that case Suzie should stop hanging out with that person because they are very sadistic to deliberately shove a girl with no arms off a swing.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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There was a blonde driving a car but she was late to a meeting so she started speeding but then a police officer pulls her over. The officer asked the blonde "Do you know how fast you were going?" to which the blonde responded "Yes, I am late to a meeting" so the police gives a ticket for speeding and she ends up going late to her meeting.

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what's the best way to remove leaves from a tree? take them off

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What time is it? It depends in your location and time zone

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A guy wanted to write a joke. He didn't.

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is an advisor who assists people by representing them on legal matters.

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roses are red violets are blue I lost my dog to typhoid it was an unfortunate case of bed luck

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A black man "walks into" a club. Several minutes later he is dead. The police, in a later press conference, refuse to admit that the club ever left the officer's belt.

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What goes up a hill with 4 legs and comes down with 3? A horse, which, upon reaching the top of the hill, has one of its legs chopped off, which is when the horse proceeds down the hill.

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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A: Knock knock. B: Come in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ?cash(p)

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Knock knock. Who's there? Andy. You're late, I've been piss-arsing about waiting for you to get here.

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Why was the man picking his nose? Because he was born without one, and found one he liked.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Fire extinguisher? One puts out a fire the other one fuels it.

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Q: What do you call a black person flying a plane? A: A pilot.

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how do you wake up a really old man? you dont, he's probably already dead.

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What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

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I used to say "I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee" like you but then I took an arrow in the knee.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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