what's the worst lie in the universe? I swear to god that was my last piece of gum

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How do you make a firefighter happy? Give him a blowjob and 10 million dollars.

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Your mother is so obese that she has over the recommended daily calorie intake on a regular basis.

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What do you call a man who burns his country's flag on it's independence day? Unpatriotic

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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A black man walks into a store. As he leaves, the detector goes off. It turns out the sales clerk had forgotten to take out one of the tags on his purchase. The sales clerk promptly took it off, and the man left to enjoy the rest of his day.

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What did the french toast say to the french fry? I don't know, I don't speak french.

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A women left the kitchen.

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Whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Getting Raped

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What did little Suzy get for Christmas? Molested

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter and now I am dead." It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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why couldnt the african child eat enough food? he didnt have a mouth.

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Most adults can swim. Current government studies are investigating similar skills in babies. With unnecessarily large pools.

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What's the difference between an orange and a banana? they're spelled differently

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Why couldn't the blond dial 911? She lost her arms in a tragic car accident last year

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Names.

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What did the little boy say to Micheal Jackson? Shouldn't you be dead?

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How do you make a miner sad? You cut his d*ck off then feed it to his family.

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What do you call a black hitch hiker: stranded

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

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What do you call a fish with no eye? Blind.

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What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

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An Irish man, Scots man and a Welsh man walk into a bar. The barman says, "what is this some kind of joke?!" Peter, who lives in Cardiff, returned home, depressed that he is viewed as some sort of clown. It reminded him of when he was a school boy; a giant spot appeared on his nose. The kids just laughed at him. "Don't worry Peter" he said to himself, "It will all be over now... He later hung himself. His family have been informed.

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A young penguin walks into a bar with tears streaming down his face. "Whats wrong with you?" asks the barman. "I've lost my Dad", says the Penguin. The barman asks, "What's he look like?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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