- Anti Joke

Wanna know what a hate about instructions? I always get my dick stuck in a ceiling fan.

Q: What's big, green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A: A pool table.

Why was the fat man crying? He was sentenced to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit.

What worse than seeing a worm in your apple? Half a worm in your apple.

Q: How do you stop a black man from drowning? A: Quit peeing in his mouth.

Communism hehe xd

Q. Why did the little girl drop her ice cream? A. She dropped it as she got into the van

Why was the wife laying on the ground crying? Because she wasn't in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband

what happened when steven hawking's date stood him up? he feel down

You look like Susan Boyle f**ked Snooki and then got hit by a truck.

Roses are Blue Violets are Red Watermelons are green Refridgerator

Roses are red. Violets are red. Daisies are red. WHY IS MY GARDEN ON FIRE?

why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chickens day off

Why doesn't Billy like his new step-dad? He's secretly a murderer and only Billy knows, he wants to tell the police but hes afraid to.

What's the difference between Little Billy and Ice Cream? People like Ice Cream.

What do you say to a cat with a helmet on? Silly cat, you rhyme with hat but you shouldn't wear one.

What did the black guy do when he heard sirens? He Ran

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena and his Grandfather's lucky medallion and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

you're so stupid, you have trouble understanding what you read, like the newspaper, for example

What do we call the science of classifying living things? Racism

Knock knock Who's there? Nobody Oh, ok

A depressed man walks into a bar. He has a drink and heads back to his apartment. On the way he was killed by another man attempting to commit suicide due to depression.

What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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