My dad calls me a son of a bitch and I'm like "hey! You married her"

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot you racist! Jk a terrorist

How many dead babies would it take to plug the Fukushima Dai-Ichi nuclear power plant? None -- they are using thousands of litres of liquid glass coagulant instead.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't cross it. He was pushed.

What's the difference between a chicken? One leg is both the same

Knock knock. Whos there? I am you dumbass im standing right next to you.

What's the one thing America's got but the UK hasn't... School shootings

roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

A man walks into a bar. Something funny happens.

What happened after Will Ferrell took a dump? He wiped his ass and flushed.

How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

So a baby seal walks into a club.

A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

What did the Colombian say to the Peruvian? Quieres lleyo?

What's worse than falling off a horse? Falling off a cliff.

Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

What do you call a guy who stabs cereal? A cereal killer.

What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

whats green and red green and red green and red? a frog in a blender.

What has two legs and oinks? Half a pig.

Why'd Carly fall off the swing? She got hit by a bus

What did the fat man say to everyone? Hey everyone! I am i fat man!

Whats worse than failing an English test? finding out your now exgirlfriend has aids.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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