A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar. The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys. "Ouch!" Said the sheep. "Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!" "Squak!", Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter. "I think," Began the lion, "This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back." The sheep's wool was now damp with blood. "Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back." "Ah!" Said the sheep. "This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!" "Yes", Replied the lion. "You could also say..." Started the sheep, "That an NZ parro-" The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds. The lion left. The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers. And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a chicken and was probably not aware that it was walking across a road at all, especially considering that it was likely in a low-traffic rural area.

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2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

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What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

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You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

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What happens when a Jew, a black man, and a Latino walk into the bar? The potential for racial humor.

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Whats black and white and red all over? My wife, i constantly beat her and I should probably be arrested for it if she didnt love me so much

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What happend to the man who walked into a forrest? He got raped by a giant vicious mutant spider

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Q: John gets attacked with a chainsaw, how many stitches does he get? A: None, Hes dead jim

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What's disabled and red all over. The kid I hit with my car.

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What did the chicken say when it finally crossed the road? - nothing, its a chicken

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Why did the man yell? Cause he wanted to!

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What do you call a spaceman on Mars? Confused, because with the current technology it is impossible to send a human into space and onto Mars.

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What did the magician's assistant say after the magician cut her in half?... Nothing. Her spine was severed and she died instantly.

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Your mother is so fat that she's more prone to cardiovascular disease than other people who stick to the proper BMI or body mass index

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

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Why does Chuck Norris always know the time? He bought a fancy new watch.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

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'Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains' Doctor prescribes antipsychotics.

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AARgh my name is AWsaing the nawant of the where of amzai Giant rabbit bunny

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Why did the seagull fly over the sea, It had wings.

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Jimmy's mom: Jimmy go do your chores now!! Jimmy: You shut your mouth, whore. Get your smelly ass back in the kitchen!!!

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An Asian man walked to P.F. Changs, and asked where the bathroom is.

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Why did t chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock, knock. Who's there? The chicken

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops