Two elderly men were sat next to a children's playground... They were there to pick up their grandchildren because their parents were at work.

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how did a white girl have a black baby? she was raped at the age of thirteen.

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What's the hardest part about blending a baby? My D**K

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What happens when you finish a bottle of Sprite? You finish it

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What did the computer say to the mouse? Nothing inanimate objects cant talk

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ok so ive been pondering for a while now for a joke to submit and here is what ive got, tell me what you think: quif stain

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what does STFU stand for? the southern tenant farmers union.

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I used to be an Adventurer like you, but then i took and arrow to the Elbow.

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yo mother is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

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Well I do want it to end now but...WHAT? How did you get that trough? I thought hypnosis was supposed to increase awareness and focus.

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what do you do when see a young girl crying on the swingset? ask her kindly to move, as you would like a turn

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga in the morning You poke her face

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What did chris say? Nothing, bushes cant talk!

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What's the difference between a pile of rotting shit about to be re-heated in the microwave and Kevin James's new movie "The Zookeeper" ... Nothing.

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Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

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How do you find a jew amoung italians? Through a dollar and see which one whines its not enough!

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a boy jumps off a building why? because he's afraid of heights

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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YO MAMA SO SHORT she should really consider wearing long tunic-like blouses, prints that contain vertical stripes, and heeled shoes with a pointed toe in order to create the illusion of length to her silhouette. That having been said, society's limited definition of beauty is quite inadequate for the diverse world in which we live.

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-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

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why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by the ice cream van

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How do you make a Dead Baby Float..... ......With 3 scoops of ice cream and 1 cup of liquid stem cells.

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What is white and cannot jump? A refridgerator.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Reclu. Reclu who? Recluse Spider.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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