Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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My girlfriend is getting an abortion tonight. Its a surprise.

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Q: So I don't get it. Do women actually like not having penises and testicles? Do they genuinely enjoy it? A: Silly boy. Women ADORE not having penises and testicles. You just can't get your mind around someone having different preferences in anatomy than you.

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What's faster than a Mexican running down the street with your TV? An airplane

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The saying "When Pigs Fly" Can easily be canceled. Just tie a rocket and wings to it and let it go.

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teacher:humpty dumpty sat on a wall.... me: wait, why was he up there ms.park? teacher: well hes never been the same since vietnam, his wife divorced him and now hes a raging alcoholic.

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What does a black guy get for Christmas? Everything you own

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Why are they the "living" daylights?

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Yo Mama so ugly I don't know how she found your dad.

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A lost young boy walks into a bar to ask for a map. The Bartender takes him into a room and rapes him.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's And add extra pepperoni

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Ask me about my wiener. How's your wiener? I don't have a wiener, I'm a woman.

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If I was in a room with hitler Osama bin laden and Justin bieber and a gun with 2 bullets. I would shoot Justin bieber twice

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Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes A: Nothing - call an animal cruelty service

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just got AIDS, And soon so will you!

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I Have ADD ...

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why did the blue berry cross the road

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Why am I constipated? I ate fiber glass insulation.

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In Soviet Russia, this type of joke would be considered evidence to throw you into the gulag.

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My friends all use twitter but i dont know how to use it, so i said i will carry a megaphone around saying what i am doing at random times. Like yesterday i was in the library so i said into my megaphone "i am in the library" Yay i got 3 new followers, 2 of them were cops. Jokes From Blox Computers Corporation [Thailand] Bellow Joke In Thai: ?????? Twitter ???????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ? ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? "i am ??????????" ??????????????? 3, 2 ????????????????????

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What did God say to Adam and Eve? Be fruitful

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In other news, a Florida man was arrested today for stealing candy...with a knife.

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Pickup line: Hey babe, do you work at Mcdonalds? Because I don't have a job, are you hiring?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? If you don't know the answer by now, there's something wrong with you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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