How many babies does it take to paint a wall It depends on how hard you throw them

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Why was the fat man crying? He was sentenced to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit.

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Why did the small 12 year old run away which a chicken. He felt like it and he was carrying bread which the chicken was allergic to.

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What do you get when you mix a teenager with a tanning bed? Cancer

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What did the little boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?? Nobody knows because he had no arms, therefore he could not open any presents.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

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What starts with f and ends in u-c-k? a:****

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why is your grandfather climbing up a pole? hes not

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Q: What do Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan and Captain Kangaroo all have in common? A: They are all caucasian

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Ask me if im a truck are you a truck no

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why did the elephant cross the road? It was the chickens day off

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Why was the boy in a wheelchair raising money to buy a basketball uniform? Because wheelchair basketball is a popular sport

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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how do you know when you've had too much to drink? . . . when you're dead.

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Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? So nobody finds he's been fucking hens.

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How many Azheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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Ice cream rules kids are great how thinks of this? Michael Jackson

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Q:Why didn't the Mexican get out of the box? A:Because he liked it in the box.

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Do you know how I know you're gay? 'Cuz your dick taste like shit.

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Not Susie.

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Yo momma's so fat she went to Antartica and all the penguins were like, "Woah. You're fat."

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? I'm a talking banana; what more do you want from me?

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Q. what happend to the guy who walked by an alley in new york? A. he got beat up by a robber wich took hes money, cellphone, keys and his abillity to walk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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