I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

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What did the prosecuting attorney say to the defense attorney? I hate you.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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God made Coke God made Pepsi God made me, Oh so sexy

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What did the father say to his son, who incidently shot his brother while they were playing with a gun home alone? "It happens." He then hung himself.

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A Black man, a Latino, and a Midget get into a car. They drive to the county fair, get snow cones and ride the tilt-a-whirl.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: That depends how hard you throw them... Q: Whats worse than 10 babies nailed to 1 tree? A: 1 baby nailed to 10 trees...

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A chicken walks into a bar and orders a beer. Just kidding chickens cant talk and animal control was called

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Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid? A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil.?

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What did the biker do when he heard about Kony 2012? He became a social activist and did his part by contributing to the cause.

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What' worse than random Holocaust jokes? The Holocaust

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Situation: 2 cows eating grass on a warm Sunday night. Question: Why does 9+4=3 1/2? Answer: 69!

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? "Get in the car Robin."

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how do you get a dog to stop barking? you hit it with a stick.

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Whats the difference between a Dodo and an Elephant? They're both extinct. Excluding the elephant

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A Palestinian woman asks a man for directions. She is promptly stoned to death.

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So i know this guy... yes? thats it.

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What did Jesse's friend say to Jesse? Hello Jesse

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What's wore then finding a worm in your apple? Being the only person to survive a plane crash over Alaska, then having to eat your family in order to stay alive waiting for help to come.

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What did Aladin say to Mulan? Nothing. Although they are both Disney characters, they never appear in the same film, and therefore never communicate.

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Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "Never-mind that, you've got AIDS.

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If I was in a room with Osama bin laden and george bush, and my friend. And I had a gun with two bullets, I'd shoot my friend twice.

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What did the convicted pedophile do to the ten year old boy? He molested him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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