What's the difference between a pile of rotting shit about to be re-heated in the microwave and Kevin James's new movie "The Zookeeper" ... Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What is white and cannot jump? A refridgerator.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

How do you make a Dead Baby Float..... ......With 3 scoops of ice cream and 1 cup of liquid stem cells.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

thumb_up thumb_down -33

why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by the ice cream van

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What did chris say? Nothing, bushes cant talk!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

How do you find a jew amoung italians? Through a dollar and see which one whines its not enough!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

YO MAMA SO SHORT she should really consider wearing long tunic-like blouses, prints that contain vertical stripes, and heeled shoes with a pointed toe in order to create the illusion of length to her silhouette. That having been said, society's limited definition of beauty is quite inadequate for the diverse world in which we live.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

a boy jumps off a building why? because he's afraid of heights

thumb_up thumb_down -33

This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

thumb_up thumb_down -33

whats the difference between a phone and Helen Keller? you listen to the phone and you smash Helen Keller on the head with a spiked baseball bat

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Why did the hippo drink the water? Because it was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down -35

How do you drown a blonde? Intentionally attempting to drown anyone, regardless of their hair color, is murder which is illegal and morally wrong to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

knock knock? who's there? ivan ivan who? ivan. i want you to apologize for tooking their jobs the other day i said ivan who? i dont have a middle or last name

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What do you call a cat with a pop tart for a body and rainbows flying out of its butt? Nyan Cat

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What do you do when you see four black people and a Jew? You buy them

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Knock knock Who's there A girl scout A girl scout who? A girl scout trying to sell cookies to support her alcoholic parents who beat her

thumb_up thumb_down -35

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 9,405 licks (this may not be reliable I lost count since I kinda just bit it)

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

thumb_up thumb_down -35

whats worse than getting bit by a tick. getting bit by a deer tick that as lyme disease.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Knock Knock! Who's there? Reclu. Reclu who? Recluse Spider.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What's worse than putting stones in a blender? Putting a baby in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

How did 3 fat women fit under 1 small umbrella and not get wet? It wasn't raining!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops