Three children had stumbled into an old cottage where they were met by a wizard. The wizard pointed out a slide in the corner of his cottage. He told the children that they could each go down the slide and that they could shout out a word while sliding. He told them that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "GOLD" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of solid gold. Due to its extreme hardness the child was killed immediately on impact.

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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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what's the difference between northerners and southerners? southerners live to the south of birmingham, and they don,t stink of urine.

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What do you call Metta World Peace after he has hit somebody? Metta World War.

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Why was little timmy crying? He walk in on his dad molesting a minor.

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I hear eating an apple a day keeps the other apples in check.

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Q. What is the worlds biggest lie A. I have read and agree to the terms of service ?

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Why didn't suzie eat? Because she wasn't hungry

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.

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How do you find the population of Mexico? Send out a census

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Asian son: "I'm using a calculator for my math" Asian mother: "Why not you calculatnow!"

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Why wasn't Will invited to the party? Will has been dead for 3 years.

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what do u call a blonde in the libary? alexandra wallace

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what's black and white and red all over? nothing... it's red

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ever tried african food? they neither

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Why was the giant centipede full? Because it just ate half a dozen purebred golden retriever puppies by hiding all day in the poopy newspapers and emerging at night to eat the defenseless baby dogs in their sleep. BUM BUM BUM KSSSH!

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An anti joke a day... really doesn't actually do that much

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What do you call it when Justin Beiber has sex with a girl? Consensual sexual intercourse between two young adults.

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What is long, hard, and full of seamen? a school bus, if you consider children to be seamen

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who can be more evil than the person who hit my nuts. Adolf Hitler.

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What would you do for a klondike bar? Pay for it, eat it and then proceed on disposing the packaging of the klondike bar

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What did the home-less man eat for dinner last night? Nothing.

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if you press the thumbs up button nyan cat is going to visit you tonight

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A sad guy walks in to a bar and the bartender asks, what's the matter? The guy responds, I just found out i'm deaf

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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