yo mother is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga in the morning You poke her face

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What did chris say? Nothing, bushes cant talk!

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Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

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YO MAMA SO SHORT she should really consider wearing long tunic-like blouses, prints that contain vertical stripes, and heeled shoes with a pointed toe in order to create the illusion of length to her silhouette. That having been said, society's limited definition of beauty is quite inadequate for the diverse world in which we live.

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-What's long, hard and full of semen? -Since this is a play on words both an erect penis and a naval submarine could apply here

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How do you make a Dead Baby Float..... ......With 3 scoops of ice cream and 1 cup of liquid stem cells.

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why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by the ice cream van

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What's the difference between a pile of rotting shit about to be re-heated in the microwave and Kevin James's new movie "The Zookeeper" ... Nothing.

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How do you find a jew amoung italians? Through a dollar and see which one whines its not enough!

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a boy jumps off a building why? because he's afraid of heights

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Reclu. Reclu who? Recluse Spider.

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Why did the man eat his cellphone? Because he has a serious mental disability, and did not know that it was not a normal thing to do, and for anybody to laugh at him for doing something like this is just a sick person.

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Why did the hippo drink the water? Because it was thirsty

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knock knock? who's there? ivan ivan who? ivan. i want you to apologize for tooking their jobs the other day i said ivan who? i dont have a middle or last name

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How do you drown a blonde? Intentionally attempting to drown anyone, regardless of their hair color, is murder which is illegal and morally wrong to do.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 9,405 licks (this may not be reliable I lost count since I kinda just bit it)

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A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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How did 3 fat women fit under 1 small umbrella and not get wet? It wasn't raining!

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What do you do when you see four black people and a Jew? You buy them

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Knock knock Who's there A girl scout A girl scout who? A girl scout trying to sell cookies to support her alcoholic parents who beat her

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What do you call a cat with a pop tart for a body and rainbows flying out of its butt? Nyan Cat

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q. a whale walks into a bar. The bartender asks"why are you wailling?" A. I my 3 year-old son died.

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whats worse than getting bit by a tick. getting bit by a deer tick that as lyme disease.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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