How do you keep children off your lawn? Touch them.

A duck walks into a bar, clearly ignoring the 'No Ducks Allowed' sign that had been placed in the window to prevent comedic scenarios.

Ask me if I care. Do you care? No.

What did the cat say when it stepped in poo? Meow.

3 Men walk into a bar, they all order up a drink. And then they paid their tabs and left.

Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? Niether did she

Did you hear about Osama Bin Laden? He's dead.

Why did the boy die while brushing his teeth? The toothbrush wasn't water-proof.

A black man and a hispanic man are in a car. Who is driving? The guy who didn't call shotgun.

What do you give the person who has everything? A 20$ gift voucher

2 blondes were heading to Disney world, they saw up ahead that said "Disney World left" then took a left and enjoyed Disney World and had fun on the rides

Q: Do you know what's the no.1 cause of pedophellia? A: Sexy kids

"What's black when clean, but white when dirty?" "A blackboard."

How is an elephant like a grape? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

Chuck norris doesn't make his own butter he roundhouse kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out.

Your momma's so stupid she stuck a power cable up her ass. Shortly after she died

What did the man say to his wife while having sex? I don't know.

what did the n i g g e r with alzheimers say to the c h i n k? 9/11 was the funniest fake joke since the holocaust and 9/11 and the holocaust and 9/11... and... what?

In soviet Russia...things are different

What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? Please, not the nails.

Mother Mary held her daughter 20 minutes under water. Not to save her from her troubles, just to see the funny bubbles

Why did the blonde ask her doctor if she could get a new butt? She is insecure about its appearance and believes reconstructive anus surgery is the only solution.

Yeah, but why is this honesty so important for you, personal reasons because you are like that, because you consider me a friend? Or because a single lie, could have catastrophical consequences?

A man walked in to a store and asked for four candles. The storeman brought some fork handles and placed them on the counter. The customer said "No... 'Four Candles' a rather amusing sketch performed by The Two Ronnies, a comedy double act in the 1970s."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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