What do you tell a woman who claims that she is going to yell "fire" in a crowded movie theater? That doing so could result in serious injuries or even death, and that she would be wise to reconsider her future options, as she could be held responsible for any and all problems that arise.

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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A hobo said to another hobo "Im homeless"

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What does Jason say when he rages on cod ? I hope your family gets slaughtered in front of him ..

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What do you get when you cross a stream with a prostitute? A wet hooker.

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Your mamma's so fat she has diabetes and may die because she may not be able to loose enough weight to keep her blood sugar at a regulated number.

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You have friends

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Why did the weiner dog that punctured Doris' bladder get carried away during an oral sex session? Because the dog had a terribly troubled childhood which led to a faliure to adequately function in adulthood

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Roses Are Potato, Violets Are Booze, Im Irish and i hate Jews.

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If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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What did the douche bag get for Christmas?

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so a horse walks into a bar right, and he goes up to the bartender, and the bartender being a smartass says why the long face(get because hes a horse), and the horse says his wife is dying of lung cancer, child services are taking his kids away , and im addicted to crack and that is why i have a long face the bartender then gives him the next round for free and the the horse dies of alchohol poisoning

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What did the Catholic Priest say to Chris Hanson? Nothing. He attempted to flea, and was quickly taken down by law enforcement. He was then detained and processed and charged with Intent to commit statutory rape with a minor under the age of 14. He's still awaiting trial.

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roses are red violets are blue i forgot what i was gonna say my dad is an engineer

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what did the bot get for his birthday? .. men!

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Why was the asian a bad driver? Because while he was driving a leprechaun was punching him in the face.

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Two nineteenth century men walk into a bar. Their wives didn't complain, because if they did they'd get hit. hard.

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A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are stranded in the middle of the ocean on a raft. They all die of dysentery.

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A man with a PhD walks up to a college student and jokingly says "Hey dude, what did the hat say to the other hat?" The student replies "My name is Joe and a hat does not have a mouth, therefore it cannot speak." The student is then unimpressed on how uneducated the man is, also worring about how the man was able to receive a PhD.

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Three black men was in a car. They were going on holiday.

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One time at band camp, We practice playing our instruments and had fun.

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A man scratches his ankle and says " my nuts are itchy" a woman looks at him questionly. realizing he had been watched, he lifted the bottom of his pant leg and showed to woman that he had stuffed his socks with pecans.

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Children and bretheren, stinky cheese Stinkyy cheeeese. Like this or you will smell stinky cheese in your bedroom

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped six's mother

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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