So I'm blowing this guy and he starts rubbing his finger through my hair... So I started thinking, what a fag.

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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A dog with toothpaste in it's mouth wanders into a bar. The bartender beats it to death, because he thought it had rabies.

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KNOCK KNOCK whos there Malcom i dont know any Malcom go away!

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Q-Why the baby drop is lollypop? A: He got hit by a truck

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What did the orphan do on Mother's Day? He went to the cemetery

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You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.

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How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

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A man walked into a doctors and said, “Doctor help! My arms have stopped working” to which the receptionist replied, “I’m not the doctor and you need to make an appointment.”

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Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She didnt have any arms

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How did the chicken cross the road?he just got up and walked to the other side.

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Two egyptian soccerclubs are playing, what's the score? Over 70 dead

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My former roomate had that game, about some bald guy that can slow down time, but thats like supernatural or something.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Nobody is here, nobody would ever want to knock on the door of you. Yes, you. You reading these awful jokes.

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What do you give the person who has everything? A 20$ gift voucher

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How do you cure a person that claims cannot say no to anything? Treatment: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! BUAHAHAHAHA! Patient: NO I CANT!!! You care cured! *opens door* NEXT!

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

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What's fat, round and bounces on the ground? A ball. I lied about the fat bit.

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What do you call a girl with an iq of 13 Dead

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing set? Because she died. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lucy.

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A blonde, a brunette and a red head are having a discussion on current issues. The brunette says she would like to see improvements in the environment. The red head says she would like to see the economy prosper. The blonde says she has to take a poop.

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What do you get when you mix a black person with an octopus? i dont know. but it sure picks cotton well.

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A man stumbles into a bar and yells, "Let's get wa-" and falls to the floor dead. The forensic scientists preform an autopsy and find that after 15 years of achoholism and depression caused his heart to stop beating. His family may have mourned his loss, if he had not left them penniless after killing his wife.

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Emily Scarpello...Fat Couch

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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