What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Three men on a journey stop at a farm and ask the farmer if they might be allowed to stay the night. The farmer consents upon one condition: that the visitors not lay a hand on his daughter. The men respected the farmers wishes and left in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats the definition of not winning? Charlie sheen losing custody of his son because he is a coked out, old man douche bag, who only gets told what he wants to hear because he forks out lots of money to gold digging hookers.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the apple say to the other apple? Nothing, apples are fruits and cannot talk

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the lady say after she returned home from the grocery store? "Oh no! I forgot the milk!"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q what r u eating under there? Aunderwear ewww thats nasty

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your mom is so fat that her every day life if a struggle and she has to get gastric bypass surgery or else she is going to die

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A zebra walks into bar, the surrounding customers in the bar become very intrigued why this exotic creature has wandered from Africa into New york. Before they can come to a concluson animal control opens fire on the creature, splatering its organs onto the tables. This event ruined the night for most customers and they fileout of the bar calmly but sad

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs? Nothing, it cant come

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why would the chicken cross a road

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why didn't the jew spend his paycheck? He wanted to save money for the future

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q.Why was the fat man sweeting A. Because he just ran and his body is trying to maintain thermal equilibrium

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is green and slow Grass.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic and its killing his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the cat scratch the person? Because it's mean.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did you call something that is long, hard and full of seamen? A ship.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than seeing Helen Keller behind the wheel of a car? Being run over by Helen Keller.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is Hellen Keller's favorite TV show? She doesn't have one - She is blind and deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

The police shouldn't have cars. They should use skateboards and use flowers as their gun. When they catch a criminal in the act, they have to hug him before sending him to prison

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple Finding 2 worms in your apple

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did one sausage become scared of the other sausage? The first Sausage said " Hello " and the second Sausage said " OMG a talking sausage!!!" ...Jk sausages dont talk.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Whats worse than getting broken into by a robber? Looking at Obama

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why are crocodiles so angry? because they have a lot of teeth but no tooth brush?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops