Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

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Pete and Repeat were sitting in a boat. Pete fell off. I hope he was wearing a personal flotation device.

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Were do seamen live under the sea? A submarine!

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Why is 6 afraid of 7 because 7 is a escaped mental patient that thinks 6 betrayed him

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What's the difference between ten dead babies and a Ferrari? There's no Ferrari in my garage.

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What is brown, white, and red all over? A part asian part white guy covered in blood after having her girlfriend have her period while they were having sex in a club in alaska near a military school that was abandoned and is now haunted but justin bieber took care of that.

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what has 4 legs but can't walk? a paralyzed dog

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greetings ZOE. WHAAA BANNANNAS ROCK MAH WORLD. WHY DID THE TRAIN CRASH? ....BECAUSE THE CONDUCTOR WAS A PIECE OF CHEESE! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. WELL LOVE YA CHICAS. PEACE AND BLESSINZ. SALUTATIONS, isabel.

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A young penguin walks into a bar with tears streaming down his face. "Whats wrong with you?" asks the barman. "I've lost my Dad", says the Penguin. The barman asks, "What's he look like?"

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WITH YOUR RED THUMBS COMBINED! I AM CAPTAIN MORAL! You: GOOOOO (AWAY) MORAL! CAPTAIN MORAL MAN, IS A HERO, GONNA TAKE GREEN THUMBS RIGHT BACK TO ZERO... Moral: Okay that is all I remember about the Captain Planet Theme song... GIVE ME RED THUMBS MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! PS: Redhead, three months have passed (more or less) I wont call you because we agreed you would get of this fucking place, but I can visit you if you are a good little girl! And yeah I am calling you Red, Tifa just reminds me of Final Fantasy and your big bosoms so yeaaaaah get your little red haired cunt over here so we can chat yes?

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was black.

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How do you know when a Captcha defect causes you to post the same anti-joke three times? Canteloupe.

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Oh you have herpes? yeah, there's an app for that.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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what did the blond say to his mother?? Nothing. He is deaf and has to use sign language.

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What stinks of shit and has money. Smelly Mc Dee I lied about the money.

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yo momma so fat dora couldn't even explore her!!!

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Why was the blonde so dumb? Because she came from a very poor family and could not afford a decent education

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Red are roses Blue are violets Dyslexic am I.

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Q: How do you know what will happen when the world willl end? A: by experience

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What is worse than being eaten alive by a shark? Being force fed live goat intestines while Kevin Spacey rapes your father.

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Well Here Goes Nothing And nothing happened

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Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One says "Holy cow it's hot in here!" The other one says "Wow, I'm a muffin and I can TALK!"

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How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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