why did the 42 inch plasma screen blow-up 6 hours before the england match ? because it knows .

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your mammas so big that she needs paint rollers to put on lipstick

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a dyslecstic son seys to his mum can i have a mcdonald for tea the mum seys ye if you can spell mcdonlds and the son seys fuk that im having a kcf

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Lukas: can i have a cigarette? Scott: i dont know can you? lukas: may i? Scott: NO

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Relax, close down the place, he wont get very far. The rest of you better stay inside, and I promise you will all remain safe and secure.

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your so homosexual you go to a gay bar every couple of weeks so you get the social acceptance you need.

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Well, its allright then, just tired that is all, leave it be, I mean what if your wife sees it? What will she think?

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What's worse than getting murdered? Getting murdered twice? - Louis

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I have a really good knock knock joke. You start. Knock knock. Open the door see who it is and then slam the door in your face THE END

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What did the black man say to the white man? "Hi"

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what has 911 got in commen with most bank robberies? all r inside jobs

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What did the little boy do when he got his test grade? Cried, it was 0

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Two muffins are in an oven. They don't speak to each other because muffins do not have the ability to make speech. After being in the oven for several minutes at 375 degrees, they are removed, left to cool, and were eaten. They were good.

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Why did the man fall over...he had a stroke!

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A guy finds a genie bottle. He rubs it. A genie appears and grant him 3 wishes. He wishes for a splendid woman, a lot of money, and a house.

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why did the magician stop doing magic ? he got hit by a bus and died

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Why do we have brown eggs? Because black people have sex with chickens

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*Dubstep* CHEW CHEW CHEW CHEW CHEW BWAB BWAB

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why was six afraid of seven? it wasn't. numbers dont have feelings.

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what are you talking about. Nets are terrible. Lakers are going to be the best.

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A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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What`s the best part about twenty-three year olds? there are twenty of them

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Teacher: What is 1+1? Student: 2 Teacher: Next time raise your hand before answering a question.

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a cat gets mauled by a dog. it died later that day

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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