Doctor Doctor! I think im turning into a carrot! Thats a side effect of the drugs Alice, We've just had your test results back. I'm sorry Alice, You've got HIV.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man goes to a gas station to pump gas in his car. After about 7 minutes, he leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

The boy gets shot in the face, he then dies of childhood obesity.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

knock knock. Who is there? You have. You have who? Your entire family in my basement.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the little boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you make an egg laugh? You can't. Eggs are inanimate objects which are incapable of emotion, thus laughter.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

roses are red, no one gives a shit, get back in the kitchen and bring me my chicken dips!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Hitler kill himself? He realized what he'd gotten himself into and became severely depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did whitney Houston become a drug addict? Because she made some very bad decisions in her life.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than burning your tongue drinking hot chocolate? Being shanked by a homeless man.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what's better than being stabbed in the testicles with a biro? the Silversun Pickup's album Neck of the Woods

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Regression.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. He had multiple MRI's and bodily fluid tests to confirm the diagnosis. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Lollies are sweet warheads are sour, open your legs and feel my power

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? The Police.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a guy sleeping with little boys? Michael Jackson

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between a black man and a bench? The bench isnt going anywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between marmalade and jam?... you can't marmalade your dick down a girls throat.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's brown and smells like shit? An oddly shaped birthmark on a dirty homeless man

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the man want a car for his birthday? 7.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was the black guy sad? Because he has a knife through his throat

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is worse than an 11 year old getting raped You getting caught

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man asked Alexander the Great if he was gay, yet Alexander the Great was not offended. Why? Because "gay" has a rather different connotation than in the modern world than it did in earlier time periods where it meant "happy". Also, Macedonians, Alexander the Great's native people, did not speak English so he would not understand the question. Also Alexander the Great was gay in the sense that he was actually a homosexual.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops