Roses are crimson. Violets are purple. I don't understand why this poem is so popular.

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A horse and a penguin and a kangaroo come into a bar and order drinks from the bartender, who later gets fired for taking acid while working.

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Why did the child say he had been a ubused. Answer: because he had been.

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what do you give a little girl with no arms no legs and who lives in a orfanidge for christmas?.................................... nothing because no parent wants a freak kid

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Why was the Mexican sleeping? He wishes to decrease his risk of motor vehicle accidents.

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How do you get a clown off of a swing? You throw an axe at its face.

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How many jews can you put in a four seat car? two in the front two in the back.

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What can a Giraffe have, that no other animal on Earth can? A baby Giraffe.

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Whats worse than having a parking cone rammed up your ass? Realizing that a big orange cone is up your ass.

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What is funnier then 25 9/11

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How did Allen Iverson compose one of the most well known interviews of all time? Practice.

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I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Barbara and Martin died in their apartment. The neighbor walked in and found glass and water everywhere. How did they die? -Barbara and Martin were fish.

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Why don't you want to shout "Hi" to your friend Jack on an airplane? Because he's deaf and will not hear you.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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There are 3 Chinese guys migrating to the USA, Chu, Bu and Fu. . Chu added a 'ck' to? his name and became Chuck Bu did the same thing and became Buck. Fu got sent back to china

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What's the hardest part of walking through a pile of dead babies? My penis.

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What's green and can read your mind? Nothing. Some people thinks the answer is a plant but don't listen to them because they are wrong.

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What did the rapist say to the child? Contrary to popular belief, I am just a kind old man that likes to hand out sweets to disadvantaged young children. I only got dubbed a rapist when a child crawled into the back of my van as I drove off; the fact that his abusive father was the one who raped him is not my fault.

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Why did the tomato fall off the swing? Because tomatoes don't have arms.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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What did the blonde order in the restaurant? A cup of coffee.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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