A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

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An overweight person falls down the stairs.. They had to be taken to A&E as they suffered very serious injuries.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

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Knock Knock. You don't have a door.

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Why can't Michael Jackson work at a boy scouts camp? Because he's dead.

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How do you cure a person that claims cannot say no to anything? Treatment: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! BUAHAHAHAHA! Patient: NO I CANT!!! You care cured! *opens door* NEXT!

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A man walked into a doctors and said, “Doctor help! My arms have stopped working” to which the receptionist replied, “I’m not the doctor and you need to make an appointment.”

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Why did James drop his ice-cream? He was mourning the loss of his mother to terminal illness so he threw himself in front of a train.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Anything you like, he's blind.

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When SCUBA diving, why is it important to fall backward off the side of the boat? Because if you fell forward, you would still be in the boat.

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what do you call a child with bruises on his face? Child protective services.

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Women, "Did just pinch my ass!?" Man, "Yes." Women, "Oh, alright then."

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Poop

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Confucius says, I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

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So a guy with alsimers walks into a bar........I forget the rest.

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Knock knock Whos there? Sorry, wrong house,goodbye!

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Yo mamma is so skinny, she has developed anorexia, a serious eating disorder, which not only affects her, but also the ones that she loves and cares about.

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Why did the first Monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second Monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first Monkey. Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Everytime someone says Jamie on this website, he's referring to Dylan, cause he's to insecure to write jokes about anyone else. Please direct all jokes at Dylan Hodge, 14 years of age, living in Queensland, Australia, come to his house to watch the f a g man, suck his mothers p e n i s.

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I died.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!!

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What do you call a fat ginger kid? Whatever his name is.

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A Irish leaves and bump in to a really tall the Irish sorry boss

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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