Timmy's mom is an alcoholic. His dog is asleep in the backyard. Timmy asks his mother, "Why is our dog sleeping?" His mother replies, "It's not sleeping, its dead."

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Q: What did the Mexican say to the other Mexican? A: To get to the other side.

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what did the duck say to the monkey.............. QUACK!!!!!!!!

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jasper walks into a bar, he sees an elephant and can't believe his eyes. he says "HORGWARSH!"

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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I cant believe they been together after all that shit. (person ask what) and you say your buttchheeeeks:]

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There once was a mam from Peru He dreamed he was eating a shoe It wasn't... It was a goat

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Something strange in you're neighborhood. Who you gonna call? The police.

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What's the difference between an apple and a banana? One's an apple.

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Whats Brown, Long and is on every black man? Legs

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What's worse than 50 dead babies stapled to trees? 47 dead babies stapled to trees (it's better if it's a nice, round number.)

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A blonde walks out of a hair salon She had just dyed her hair.

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how do you get a clown off a swing. hit it with an apple in his nuts

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Q:What did the homeless guy say to the business man on the cell phone A: Nothing because he doesn't want to disturb his phone call

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Jake: Why did Sarah fall off the swing? Steve: She had no Arms. Jake: Knock Knock Steve: Who is there? Jake: Not Sarah

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Why couldn't the driver start his car? Because the driver was a tree

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1. The name of your street 2. The name of your pet 3. Your favorite activity 4. The color of your eyes 5. The number of shoes you own Now fill in the blank with the corresponding number to your answers. "One day I was ___3___ my dog when a pornstar named __(1)__ ___(2)___ asked me how many times I can ___(3)____ myself. I said ___(5)___ times and the juice that came out of me was __(4)___."

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How did bill lose his legs he got them amputated after contracting a severe case of "INeedToGetMyLegsAmputatedSyndrome"

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A girl asks her best friends: Why are you only wearing one earring? The best friends replies: Because I took the other one out.

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The kid was riding a honda xr70r. He got hit by a non moving object and died.

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Why did Dracula cross the road? To get to the other unbitten virgin.

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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How do you poop without it splashing? clench clench, release, clench clench, release, clench, release, clench, release.

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Why was Blue looking for her clue. She was drugged by a stranger and ended up inside of Mailbox.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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