Why did Mr. Moseley choose to not buy crest toothpaste this month? Because your daughter got an abortion.

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Why did the mailman say hi to you? He was trying to be friendly

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My Japanese girlfriend dumped me today...Oh well, theres plenty more in the sea

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychological disorder.

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Q: What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A: I like your shoelaces!

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A duck walks into a grocery store. He looks at the shopkeeper, who then grabs a broom and shoos him back outdoors.

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Chuck Norris was the leading role in the television show Walker, Texas Ranger.

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What did the little boy say to Micheal Jackson? Shouldn't you be dead?

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a priest and a jewish guy walk into a bar. they both drink as expected and go home to their families

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Q - What is worse than a nerdy joke on anti-jokes with a lot of big words in it? A - Although I get scared when i see big words, the page long jokes are probably worse

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Well Here Goes Nothing And nothing happened

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What did the man with candy say to the little boy? I have Candy.

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in the oven!

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Why shouldn't you hit a black guy on a bike? Because you would get charged with vehicular manslaughter and have the NAACP all up in your ass.

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So this drunk guy pokes this girl. 4 months later she has a misscarrage

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If your mom is a teacher and your dad is a gynecologist, how many pancakes does it take to stack on top of a dog house roof? 12. Because footballs don't have feathers.

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What did modern scientists say to Einstein? Neurtinos travel faster than the speed of light! :)

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An asian walks into class to take a math test. He did not study and consistently misbehaves and promptly fails.

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Roses Are Potato, Violets Are Booze, Im Irish and i hate Jews.

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How do you stop a lumberjack? You thrust a javelin through his lungs

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

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Have you heard that Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street are gay? If so, than whoever told you may be mentally challenged, Bert & Ernie are both puppets which even though they resemble people with active personalities, they remain puppets and do not have a sexual oreintation.

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NEVER

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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