how do you make a baby stop crying? but hot coals down its throat

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Knock knock! Just kidding.

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What did the woman say when she ate crabs. This smells like my vagina (This women died slowly from crabs)

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Why can't a cat fly Because it doesn't have wings.

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roses are red that fact is true but violets are violet not fu***** blue

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What's 9+10? 19

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Why did Susie fall of the swing? She had no arms. Why didn't she catch herself? She had no legs. What did she get for Christmas? Cancer. What did she get for her birthday? Nothing, she died.

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What did little Suzy get for Christmas? Molested

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So, Helen Keller walked into a bar....and then a stool, and then a counter, and then a table....

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What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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What were the pilots' of Malaysia Airlines Missing plane favourite programs? Lost...

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What happened when the princess kissed a frog. Warts, all over her lips

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What's white, black, red, and flies? An airplane pilot with a battleaxe driven into his head

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Your legs are more open than my back door! Which is closed.

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hey fat ass u want some butter with them rolls?

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So, I walk into a bar and say "Why do you call this place a bar, I don't see any bars in here!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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What is worst than a black guy hanging on a tree. A burnt black guy hanging on a tree

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Study from real life: My trip to Texas. (From the time when I was interested in mormon-ism.) Texan: And here is my gun collection, great for shootin yer Mexican scum. Me: Uh I am Norwegian but my ancestors where Russian or something so my skin is... Texan: *points gun at me and pushes trigger halfways* Just kidding der son, sure you aint no Mexican though? Okay just checkin ya know... Me *sweating bullets* Texan guys gun go off almost hitting me and breaking a vase.. Conclusion: He blamed me, everyone had lunch outside later, everyone kept looking at the "trigger happy MEXICAN"... Nero: By then I began grasping the fact that I was better suited for the study of the dark arts... And also learned that in Mormonism, Heaven and Hell are planets locked into war, where black people where neutral, and red people are demon supporters, but WE CAN ALL BE SAVED BY BECOMING WHITE! JUST LIKE THE ANGEL MORONI! Conclusion two: Moroni... Lol.

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Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

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What do you call a dog with no arms and no legs? Nothing, it cant come

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What happened when the man asked the girl if he could borrow her pencil? Nothing, she was deaf

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Jack be nimble, Jack be quick... Jack didn't make it over the candle stick and died.

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What's one plus one? 2. Two legit, two legit to quit, hey, hey... What's one plus two? 3. Easy as abc, 123, abc, baby you and me. What's one plus three? 4. hes a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow.

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I just flew in from New Zealand, and boy am I tired. It was a really long flight and I found it incredibly difficult to sleep in those seats, so I didn't bother and kept myself awake watching in-flight films the whole way.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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