Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

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Who won the race between the turtle and the hare? Well, odds are the two creatures wouldn't race given that animals do not speak. However, if they were, the hare would most likely win a land race because of its powerful legs and agility. However, if the turtle happened to be a seaturtle and the race took place underwater, our dear little beloved turtle would win, having the advantage over the rabbit.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares? Seriously, who, on this planet, bothers to care about such a trivial matter? Is it really that important to you that must be given clarification as to why a random bird species just happened to cross a road? Will knowing benefit your life in some fashion? Well I'd like to know how. Ha! Perhaps you feel that, if you have the answer revealed to you, it will give you extra guidance of some sort in raising a chicken as a pet, or training a chicken to perform tricks for an animal contest, or something along those lines. Well I'm afraid you are out of luck, as I will not tell you. By reading this passage, you are wasting so much precious time. As you keep reading, seconds pass and you only waste more. You could be doing so much more with your life right now. Instead, you could be studying a topic that you might need to be knowledgeable about in the future. You could be shopping for goods. You could be painting a nice picture, writing a short story, or composing a piece of music. You could be getting exercise, or cleaning your house, or spending time with family, or even raising money for charity. There are countless meaningful tasks that you could be carrying out which would benefit you and others around you, including those who are less fortunate than you. But no. Instead you choose to do nothing, reading useless and forgettable anti-jokes on a crummy website, with a strange, fruitless desire of knowing why a chicken crossed a road. You must have such a sad life. You know what? I pity you, so I have decided that I will tell you why the chicken crossed the road. But only if you want to know. You might not want to know by this point. Do you still want to know? Are you sure you do? Are you really, really sure? Because I'm gonna tell you, regardless. Just keep reading! Don't take your eyes off the screen! You will find out exactly why the chicken crossed the road in 3... 2...1... and here we go! Ready, kids? The chicken crossed the road because... because... because... whoops, actually, I forgot. Sorry.

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What do you call a man with only one eye? Half blind.

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A tortoise went for a run. It took him two hours to get around the corner.

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your skull would make a nice pen holder

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What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

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Your mamas so old that she sat next to Jesus in kindergarten?

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Two men were walking down the street. All of a sudden, the first man turns to the second and pulls out his hands of 4 fingers each. The second man shows his hand of 6 fingers each. What does this show about them? Together they have 20 fingers total.

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Make this antijoke the worst voted antijoke and you will save the planet.

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Why does a clown wear makeup? So you can't identify him to police after he shoves your kids in his tiny car and drives away.

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Why did the Grizzly bear refrain from attacking the hiker? It didn't. The hiker was torn to shreds within minutes.

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A dancer walks into a barre

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So, what happens when Germany attacks France? France proceeds to slaughter the attackers mercilessly, as it was during the Feudal Ages, a time when France was Europe's superpower.

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What did the Jew say to the black guy? Hey whatsup?

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A muslim and a jew walk into a bar. The muslim proceeds to detonate the bomb he had strapped to his chest, killing himself and dozens of bar patrons.

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why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead. why;d the banana fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He did not have sufficient stability in his arm at that moment causing him to loosen his grip and drop his ice cream.

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Why didn't little Billy cross the road? He was dead.

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Knock Knock Nobody Nobody who? Nobody, did you not hear what I just said.

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what is worse than gay sex wiping your ass with sandpaper

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There are two jews in an oven. One says "It sure is hot in here" and the other says "AHH A TALKING JEW"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

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Your mommas so stupid she put a quarter into a parking meter and waited for a gumball to drop out.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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