The global news

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If you driving a jetski and the wheeles fall off how many screws does it take to fix the dog house? BLUE PAINT

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"knock knock" "who's there" *no answer* Opens door to find dead wife lying on doorstep with 'lol' stamped on forehead

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Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

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What do you call a dog with 5 legs? A dog with 5 legs.

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Where can you find a tetraplegic? Where you left him.

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That's not mine! it's bigger and blacker! ...where have i heard this before?

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Why couldn't the 13 year old get into the pirate movie? He has cancer and is dying in the hospitable.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar. He than orders some drinks.

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How do you poop without it splashing? clench clench, release, clench clench, release, clench, release, clench, release.

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What do a baby and a slinky have in common? They both bring a smile to your face when you push then down a flight of stairs.

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Why did Dracula cross the road? To get to the other unbitten virgin.

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1. The name of your street 2. The name of your pet 3. Your favorite activity 4. The color of your eyes 5. The number of shoes you own Now fill in the blank with the corresponding number to your answers. "One day I was ___3___ my dog when a pornstar named __(1)__ ___(2)___ asked me how many times I can ___(3)____ myself. I said ___(5)___ times and the juice that came out of me was __(4)___."

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? A bike

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What did the cat say to the rabbit? Nothing, cats are incapable of human speech as far as scientists are concerned. Also, the mouse was having a bad day. Rutabaga.

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Why was Blue looking for her clue. She was drugged by a stranger and ended up inside of Mailbox.

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I got pussies, cocks, asses and bitches. In my animal store.

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Why was Sally sad? She was the only survivor of a plane crash that killed her entire family.

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A girl asks her best friends: Why are you only wearing one earring? The best friends replies: Because I took the other one out.

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How did bill lose his legs he got them amputated after contracting a severe case of "INeedToGetMyLegsAmputatedSyndrome"

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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The kid was riding a honda xr70r. He got hit by a non moving object and died.

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What did peter griffin say to the black guy? Oh you are black.

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why does Tom Sawyer like apples? He likes their flavor

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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