- Anti Joke

Whats slower than molasses? Slightly thicker molasses.

What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs that gets stepped on a lot? Mat.

What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

How do unwed mothers celebrate Mother's Day? The same way all mothers do.

Whats the difference between Osama and Obama? The S is replaced with a B.

A black man walks into a bar He looks at the menu and realizes he's in a bar, so he leaves

What did hitler said to the chinese? Thank you for continuing my legacy.

Q: what did the man with no eyes get for Chrismas? A: Reading glasses

Why didn't Tom have to pay for his ride to the funeral? Because he was dead and in a coffin.

whats on object, almost tube like that squirts thick white liquid from the top elmer's glue

When life gives you lemons, refrigerate them so they don't go bad.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? Nope.

My grandma told me to always keep my head up and just keep going. She fell down a manhole last week and died.

Why couldn't Cait walk her dog? She's been paralyzed from the waist down since she was 5 after her and her parents got into a car accident and her parents died.

"How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door." "How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door." "The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which one?" "The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator." "There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat." "You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting."

why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the sadistic farmer with a loaded shotgun (as the farmer has an extremely large score to settle with the chicken, as his wife was dead, a cause of mad cow disease, an STD from the chicken, as the chicken is a pimp) thus escaping captivity and starting a new life as a free chicken. God save Martin Luther KIng

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

How many people were trampled on Black Friday this year? Not enough.

What did one bulbasaur say to one squirtle? Well, first off, pokemon are virtual animals created solely for the enjoyment of entertaining japanese children and causing seizure episodes. This fictional creation then migrated to an american tv market, still maintaining their superficial existence while continuing to promote slavery and the use of round balls that capture your problems and propagate winning through random ball throwing. They are fake, and as they are fake, the bulbasaur said "we are fake"

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Chickens are not smart enough to open a gate and avoid traffic at the same time!

why does everyone like this website? ... because every other joke a little baby is dying.

why did the family get sick?? because i fucked a girl with a parsnip then sold the parsnip to a family with 4 small children

An alcoholic walks into a bar.... I forgot the rest of the joke but your mother is a prostitute.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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