A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

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Fun Fact: If you lay out all of the veins in your body out, You will die

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Gay marriage is freaking gay.

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Q: What's orange, hairy, and covered with gasoline? A: Definitely not a chair.

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I have read the terms and conditions

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Jerry: Why arent you talking to me Seth? Seth then explains using sign language that he was born mute and is offended that Jerry keeps forgetting. Then Jerry uses sign language to say" **** off i have alzheimers!"

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Why did little polly fall off her her roof? Because she saw a ice-cream van

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What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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Whats circular and black? a black circle.

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Q: What did the doctor say to the man with terminal cancer? A: You have terminal cancer.

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Word Problem Q.John has 32 candy bars. He eats twenty eight of them. What does he have now? A. Diabetes. John has Diabetes.

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Why couldn't the little boy tie his shoes? He had no arms

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A duplicate joke on anti-joke.com in an attempt to get thumbs up. Sad, sad people...

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Death by kayak

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even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then. but has a high probability of getting hit by a car and slowly dying from crushed limbs

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Hi! Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Roughly 1150 pounds if a full grow male.

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why did the teacher quit her job and become a musician? Because her class was very mean to her and growing up she had always wanted to play music

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what was so bad about hitler? he inadvertently subjected his political officials to death by rope

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wow such mark very mark many mark so mark

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What animal was two legs and bleeds a lot? half a dog

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roses are red violets are blue a pyschorapist just ate me refrigerator

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Lets just say some of my boys owed me a favor, and that if we where all "clean slate workers" I would never have been able to pull some favors out of the higher ups. As far as for "these Shadows" of yours, I know nothing, while I invented the encoding format for the messages you use, I intend keeping it to myself. People here will still assume this is bullshit unless you get somebody to hack this site, believe me, its pretty damn easy to retrieve whatever data might have been lost.

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What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

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I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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