why did the bear fall out of the tree? He died. Why did the raccoon fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the bear.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Ian Watkins was excited to attend the opening of the children's ward at the hospital today. It went well and the day was a success.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Who is that? That is my daughter, She likes climbing trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's the best way to get high without doing drugs? Jump.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you get when you stab a baby? A dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: What do you get when a black man dates a white lady? A: A perfectly acceptable relationship.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Good friends are like snowflakes. They disappear when you pee on them.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? Trees can't jump

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the man drive a van? So he could keep the stuff he stole.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Have you seen stevie wonders new piano? No Well it's really nice

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A turtle walks into a bar. The bar tender says "what will it be?" the turtle doesnt reply because its a turtle and the bar tender is sent to a mental hospital for talking to turtles.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Want to hear a joke? Too bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

roses are red violets are blue i have Alzheimer whats a rose?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What is your favorite color???? My mom I got u s o godd.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

star wars kid

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's the difference between a lamp?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What kind of horse can do a backflip? No kind of horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How do you get a clown off of your property? You ask him politely to get off and if he doesn't, you should contact the authorities immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats worse than being out in the cold? Having cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

how do you make a plumber sad? tell him to pull up his pants

thumb_up thumb_down +20

My Nan, that is all.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's worse than a wet sock? Being molested as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops