Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a dog house, if your parents are a washing machine and a dryer? A: Trick Question, dog houses can't fly!

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What did the french toast say to the french fry? I don't know, I don't speak french.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words are merely the smallest element of language capable of containing meaning and isolation and, as such could never directly produce the 4,000 Newtons of force per square centimetre required to break bones.

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What happened to the homeless man at midnight? He took a shit on the ground

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An asian walks into class to take a math test. He did not study and consistently misbehaves and promptly fails.

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Whats worse than getting hit in the face with an axe? Getting hit in the face with two axes.

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What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails long Nothing at all

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A man asks his doctor if you can die from drinking to much water. The doctor replies 'Yes you can'

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One day, I was talking to a lamp on the phone, when I realized I had called the wrong lamp.

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A frog walks up to Steve, and says "Hey, Steve." Steve is terrified because a frog knows his name, and is walking.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and so am i

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Why did the man read the terms of service? He had ignored them before, and was forced into a scam where a shady organization took all of his money and possessions. With no other way to provide for his family, the man began selling drugs, which led to several arrests. He has been n prison for 3 years now... His wife has left him for one of the man's close friends

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Why did Jimmy lay down? Because he was tired

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Why was the boy cold? Because he couldn't afford clothing.

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. They have some pints then leave to do their respective tasks for the day.

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Why is Lindsay Lohan out of prison? No, I'm asking.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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Why did the TV not turn off? You need to use a remote.

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What did modern scientists say to Einstein? Neurtinos travel faster than the speed of light! :)

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter and now I am dead." It is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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What's the difference between my dog and my wife? I respect my dog.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, It's none of my business.

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how do you confuse a blonde? tap her on both shoulders

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How do you kill a Jewish person? Like any other person, they are like any other person of any race and religion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops