Knock Knock!! Who's there? The Bailiffs, now get out.

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What's slow and spotted? A cheetah, I lied about the slow part

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whats the difference between a frog and a toad ones a frog

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A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

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Why is it OK to make fun of a deaf person? Because they can't hear.

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Barbara and Martin died in their apartment. The neighbor walked in and found glass and water everywhere. How did they die? -Barbara and Martin were fish.

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knock knock who's there BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! BANG!! who OPEN THE DOOR ITS THE POLICE

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chicken brains are not as large or developed as human brains, therefore preventing the chicken from making a logical decision, leading to it crossing a road with heavy traffic and eventually being run over by a semi.

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why didnt the whiteperson sit down at obama's election? because he had hemorrhoids

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If it wasnt for christmas We would all be jewish.

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A teenage girl walks into a bar. She sits down and watches the TV up against the wall. The bartender walks by and says "Hello, do you have I.D." The girl says "No, I'm just here waiting for my ride." The bartender then says "Well I'm sorry to have to tell you this but you gotta be 21 or over to sit in the bar." The girl says "Okay, but is there anywhere I can wait that is safe?" The bartender asks "Why?" and the girl replies "Well, I've been hiding from my ex boyfriend. I just broke up with him an hour ago. He was very controlling and he is still not over me. So now I'm here waiting for my new boyfriend." The bartender says "What you have a new boyfriend already? Maybe that's why your ex was angry." The girl says "yeah, I know, oh look there's my ride. It was nice talking with you, have a good night."

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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What's the hardest part of walking through a pile of dead babies? My penis.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

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Bill is walking down the street when a girl who had a crush on him 20 years ago sees him, goes up to him, and says, "I think I know you, what is your name?". Bill says, "Timmy," and keeps walking because he is an asshole.

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So this squirrel is walking across the road when a HUGE truck comes and smashes him beneath the tire.

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Yo momma is so fat that she is in the guinness records

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A mother and her child run into the store... The mother opens the door, so the child does not run into the store again.

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Q: Whats a spanish teacher who cant speak spanish A: duhh. it called an english teacher

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How do you get to pigs in a pen? Move them.

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What is the difference between a person of Mexican heritage and a park bench? One is a bench, the other is a human being.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Susie!

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Who always participates in "No shave November"? The homeless.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Light turned green, indicating that it was a safe and appropriate time to cross

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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