A man accidentally chops his thumb off while preparing his dinner for the night. He immediately calls an ambulance and has his thumb preserved which is later reattached back onto his hand. He then continues his dream career as a solo pianist.

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Knock Knock Come in

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill.

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How do you get a black guy to learn how to read? Find a stolen book and tell them that it's the recipe for the spices in fried chicken.

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A man walked in to a store and asked for four candles. The storeman brought some fork handles and placed them on the counter. The customer said "No... 'Four Candles' a rather amusing sketch performed by The Two Ronnies, a comedy double act in the 1970s."

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What's the difference between scrambled eggs and scrambled dead babies? I don't like scrambled eggs..

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all entered their designated classrooms to begin AP testing. They all worked extraordinarily hard to earn a passing grade and receive college credit. The brunette and the redhead received passing, yet average, grades. The blond also received a score that reflected the amount of effort she put into studying and memorizing the material, because there is no correlation between hair color and intelligence.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know.

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Guess my favourite fruit. Peach.

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Your mother is so fat that she has a very big butt and large breasts, which is quite attractive to some men, especially if they are open-minded.

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Why was the girl unhappy with her male teacher? Because he gave her a bad grade...and raped her the night before.

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what happens when you punt a baby in between 2 poles? you get 3 points

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You!!!!!! Cause your whole existence is just one big joke.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? it was thrown

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My dog has no nose. How does it smell? It doesn't

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Where can you find a tetraplegic? Where you left him.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My grandmother has degenerative brain disease, We may need to euthanise her.

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A rapist and a little child walk through a dark forest. The little child says: "It's scary here." Rapist answers: "Tell me about, I gotta go back alone through here."

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Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

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Ask me if I'm a watermelon. Are you a watermelon? No...

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What can a Giraffe have, that no other animal on Earth can? A baby Giraffe.

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What did the jew say to the black man? I'm jewish

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What do a reindeer and a grape have in common? They are both purple, except for the reindeer.

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What is the difference between a black baby and a tractor? A tractor is heavy and a baby is not

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops