What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A Mexican, a Chinese man, and a cowboy are on a plane. The plane is crashing, and they need to get rid of anything to make the plane lighter so thet can glide to safety. The cowboy throws out all of his boots and says we have to many of these. Then the Mexican throws out all of his taco shells and says we have to many of these. Then the Chinese man throws out the Mexican and says we have to many of these.(:

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I also happen suffer from multiple personality disorder. Schizophrenia refers to separation of mental functions, manifesting in anti-social behavior and delusions, and is unrelated to the separate disorder of dissociative identity disorder, popularly known as multiple personality disorder, characterized by at least two distinct and enduring identities and dissociated personality states. Both are crippling to normal behavior and function due to lack of public awareness and funding. Now get out of our ghost train or we'll cut you.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, because they have turned to alcoholism because there is no God. GO COMMUNISM, BOO AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black guy, a white guy, and a mexican are on a boat, stranded in the middle of the ocean. Feeling a bit hot due to the above average temperature of an early april afternoon, the white guy and the mexican strip down to enjoy a refreshing dip in the water a few feet from the boat. The black guy, feeling a bit left-out and perhaps even envious at the apparent fun of the other two, speaks up "Hey fellas, do you think one of you could come sit in the boat so it doesn't float away so that maybe I can enjoy the water too?" Hearing this, the white guy and the mexican look at each other utterly astonished. Grasping for a rebuttal, the white guy gathers some courage and says "Do you really think that's a good idea?... You JUST finished your sandwich."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. But everything turned out alright, as the fly was dissolved by stomach acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats as Heavy as a rock and also as light as a feather? Any object in space because the lack of gravity to give the object weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How did the boy fall off the swing? He got hit by a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +3

An African-American is like a hammer. It can't be trusted in the hands of women.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did Lucy fall down? she got hit with a hammer

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than The Holocaust? Nothing, The Holocaust was a dark and scary time.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Doctor, doctor, I just swallowed a roll of film! That was an incredibly foolish and dangerous thing for you to do. I would be surprised if you survived another day before the chemicals corrode your stomach lining and release hydrofluoric acid throughout your body causing sepsis.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? The holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you confuse a bus driver? Go invisible and throw bananas at him

thumb_up thumb_down +3

"You just went and made a new dinosaur?" "And due to its well-developed core muscles the staff behind Jurassic World has called it - 'ABDOMINUS PEX'." "That's a stupid name."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's easier than taking candy from a baby? Almost nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a girl with an iq of 13 Dead

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the middle-aged lady have a heart attack? Years of heavy smoking, alcohol abuse and lack of exercise had taken its toll on her body, causing it to age prematurely. @JWest

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Don't you just hate it when a sentence doesn't end the way you octopus?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a bear in the rain? A wet bear.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None they would just beat the room for being black.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

getting up in the morning is the 3nd hardest thing :DDD

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Cripples are lame.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops