Jamie: Peter your hands smell like cows! Jason: eeh no they smell like cows balls

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Does your iPod have zoom on it? Yeah, but it doesn't have a camera

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An Englishman, a Welshman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are all stranded on a desert island. After several days spent utilizing the survival skills they had been taught in the Royal Navy, they were eventually evacuated by fellow sailors searching for them. As the only survivors, their stories were vital in preventing such shipwrecks in future.

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If John has 10 packs of beer and he drinks 8 packs,what is John left with? Morbid Obesity.

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Why did the man scream? He got shot in the eye with a nail gun.

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What did Joe do after the party? He went home.

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What did the cat say to the rabbit? Nothing, cats are incapable of human speech as far as scientists are concerned. Also, the mouse was having a bad day. Rutabaga.

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What's red and green and goes 500 mph? A frog in a blender.

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How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One, usually.

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Q.How do you scare an emo?? A.Run after them with plasters

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What happened to the pig? It got turned into bacon like every other pig.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

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Why couldnt rex bark??? because he was a fish!

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whats the difference between a mexican and a bench? a mexican has elbows.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Fortunately, the bra was on display in a clothing store and was not actually being worn at the time.

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How many days can a pelican whisper? Pelicans can't whisper.

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A.M.E.V.A.A A-ny M-essage E-xpressed V-ia A-cronym is A-wesome

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What more orange that a lime? Most things.

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman are all in the Great Britain Olympic squad,

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Whats the difference of how a hot blonde and an ugly red head got in to the same collage with a sex addicted dean? Nothing they were both very smart inteligent women with respectables GPA

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It had a heart attack. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the monkey

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You cant spell chorus with out... Vagina!

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Whats the diffrence between a white and a black guy? one of them is black

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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