John has 5 brownies, 3 chocolate bars, and 62 cookies. What does John have now? Diabetes, John has Diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the plane crash? Because the engine wasnt working.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A construction worker walks into a bar. He says "Ow! That hurt!" And walked in the opposite direction to the manager to complaint about the obvious health code violations of this site.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Brother: Where is my Guitar? Me: To the Left to The left Brother : No its not Me: Everything you own in the box to the to the left Brother : Im telling Mom Me: In the Closet Thats my stuff and if i bought please don't touch Brother: *Opens Closet* This is all Mine! Me: *Takes off headphones*? Huh? Brother: Nevermind - _ -

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the one midget say to the other midget? We r both small

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did Sammy get for Christmas? Raped.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How does Fred drink his milk? -computer

thumb_up thumb_down -22

the power to turn magnetism into light

thumb_up thumb_down -22

kara is funny she loves her money so she buys a bunny for her honey

thumb_up thumb_down -22

how do you open a can of coke with no tab? throw a washing machine at it

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What's the time when black men take over? Poor past never.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the man crossed the busy road? Because he was sick of life.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do you do with a wombat? Allow it to freely express instinctive behaviour in its natural habitat.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what's worse than the holocaust the man who thought of it

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Tifa my ass, if that is your name buddy, then I am Nicholas Cage, or why do you not just call me Cloud Strife? Seriously, if you are a guy just say it and get lost, I will still honor my agreement and show up and see what I can do for your little order though, you pay the trip and the stay of course.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Person A: I think your father might be a thief, I'm not sure though. Person B: How come? person A: I cannot find my virginity. Person B: I apologize my dad taught me well.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What do a black lesbian, Adolf Hitler and Jesus have in common? They are all the subject of this question.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

what did one wall say to the other wall Nothing because its physically impossible for walls to talk

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Relax, close down the place, he wont get very far. The rest of you better stay inside, and I promise you will all remain safe and secure.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the circus clown lose his balance? He had a seizure while on his unicycle, fell off, and bumped his head, leading to significant blunt trauma in the brain. Weeks later, after waking up from a coma, the doctors discover that he can no longer speak anything other than gibberish. His friends and family decide that he cannot go on living this way and decide to pull the plug.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

okay so three men are in a plane ( this is the type of plane you can open the windows) so the stewardess goes up to the first man he asks for a gun she agrees but hes gotta throw it out the window he confused but he does it anyways the stewardess goes to the second man he asks for a beer she agrees but he has to throw it out the window hes confused but he does it anyways the stewardess walks up the the third man he asks for a pack of C4 she agrees but hes gotta throw it out the window without hesitation he gets it and throws it out the window. so they land and the first man sees a women crieing i was walking down the street and got hit in the head by a gun and arested for being armed the second man sees a hobo cheering loudly hes says he was sleeping in the ally and it started raining budlight the third man shes a women hysterically laughing she says i was going to work and spilled my coffe then my house blew up!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Yo mamma is so fat that she can fit through a skinny doorway. Actually, yo mamma isn't fat at all, but rather a normal sized woman secure in her weight.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q: A blonde, a red-head, and a brunette all jump off the bridge at the same time. Who hits the ground first? A: As stated by Sir Isaac Newton's third law of gravitation, all three fall to their deaths at the exact same time because the velocity of a falling object is unaffected by the mass of that object... or their hair colour. Idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What direction do 5 gay guys walk? I am unable to answer that because they are all aspiring to work in different occupational fields.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops