A grammatically correct mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms." The mushroom says, "Why not, I'm a fungus."

Knock knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave was beginning to get very scared of his best friend at this time, so he ran away panicking.

You know why they call me Scuba Steve? Because I Scuba Dive.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had two penises.

Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

what do you call a black man in the bank holding a bag of money. One wealthy man

What does a gay horse eat? Low-energy foods should only be fed to horses who are not regularly being worked and participating in high performance. According to the University of Kentucky's College of Agriculture, energy is vital to horses who need to perform their best as it aids many of the body's functions including muscle contraction, respiration and circulation. Only feed a low-energy diet to an idle horse and feed a high-energy diet to an older or sickly horse and to a working horse.

Why did the cookie shader Because someone dropped it

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

AAAnd that did not totally send a rush of sweet endorphin's up my spine, I think myself of as really really blunt, I value individualism rather than complete assimilation, I think that, if people want to hear my opinion, they ask me, and if they want to hear what they want to hear, they can ask... Pff, anybody else. I end up insulting a lot of people literally asking for it, but moments like these make it all worth it. I am also extremely superstitious, the catchphra states "Grain of salt" so I wont take your comment completely... I am just screwing around...

His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

What does a black man and a monkey have in common? Until February 3rd 1870 neither could vote in America. Monkeys still can't. 

I wish there were a city named Sample. So that the sign can say "Urine Sample"

Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

What do you get when you stab a baby? A dead baby.

what has 2 legs and red all over half a cat.

Knock Knock Who's there? After no response, the man chuckled as he realized the sound of his TV mimicked that of his door knocker.

What's red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket? No. A picture of a red bucket? No. A photo nailed to a red bucket, which shows a red bucket with a very realistic painting of a red bucket on it? Yes.

Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

what did the cat say to the potato? meow

Who is that? That is my daughter, She likes climbing trees.

A man walks into a bar. He walks out again remembering he forgot his wallet.

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Your mother is so dumb, that she had a very poor ACT composite score.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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MOAR??

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