If your canoe is stuck in a tree with no headlights, how many pancakes does it take to get to the moon. False, snakes don't have armpits

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there are two wales chilling at a bar one looks at the other and does a wale call for 2 minutes and the other looks back and say "dude your drunk we gotta go!"

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Whats big and red and eats rocks? A big red rockeater.

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What did the man say to his friend when he beat him in a game of billiards? Good Game.

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Q: What's circlular and has two hands? A: A skinny person, i was kidding about the circular part!

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Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

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how do stick a dead baby into a blender and why???????? feet first so u can see the reaction on top.

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What happens when you finish a bottle of Sprite? You finish it

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one of my best friends is blind and hasn't been able to see anything hhis entire life but he can hear a hummingbird from 50 yards away i mean, talk about worthless..

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why did the guy throw his clock out the window? because he wanted to see a clock fall out the window

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what do you call cheese thats not yours? stolen, your under arrest

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Why did the Chinese family eat a dog? Because they were poor and starving refugees.

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Why did the horse die? I shot it in the face.

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Girl, why are you crying? I'm not a girl, I'm a strawberry.

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Why does the girl continue to cry repetently everyday? Because she found out she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

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What's black and white and red all over? Obama covered in red paint.

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A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

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You know that Duck song on youtube? I dont get it... ducks cant talk...

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A man got struck by a car and was rushed to hospital on life support, he died shortly after. His wife was informed of his death by the doctors and shortly after she killed her children and finally hung herself.

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There was a golfer at the field where people usually golf. he had a golf club. so did the man next to him. The man i spoke of first hit the guy that was next to him with a golf club. Why? because he was angry at the man for shoving socks down his daughters throat and extracted her eyes with a melon scooper. This should not be humorous, the girl got blood and eye juice on her fathers new shoes when she came home.

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This is not an anti-joke... A man is walking down a street and see's a small boy crying in an alley. The man walks up to him and asks him "What's wrong little guy?" The boy replies that his family is poor, they just got evicted from there house and his parents decided to kill themselves. The man decides out of guilt to bring the boy home and support him for a few days. Three days later the man see's a note on the couch that says "Thank You..." Signed Jamal. The man sighs and says to himself "Your Welcome." The man walks into his room and see's the boy's body in his closet. He starts hysterically laughing and cries into his pillow for many minutes. When he is done sobbing he asks himself "What could be worst than this?" The man walks to his kitchen asking that question over and over. He reaches into his cabinet and grabs his cereal and pours into his bowl. The boy walks out chuckling and says, "Bye bye..." The man was poisoned and died. Now the boy get's the other cereal out and is about to pour it only to find out it was empty. "Screw the Holocaust this SUCKS!!!!!"

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You had ONE job. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to support your dying wife and ill child.

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Q: What happens when eight men throw purple at a rain coat? A: Mud-flaps, because electricity can't power a vagina.

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Q: Why did Captain Kirk suck his own dick? A: Nobody else was around, I guess.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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