What did the nun eat for breakfast? Baseballs.

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What's round, has two hands, and tells time? Some fat guy I know, with a watch.

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give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

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What's the hardest part about blending a baby? My D**K

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Why did the man jump off the cliff? Because he suffered from chronic depression as a result of frequent drug abuse.

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What's the deal with airline food? Food tastes different on an airplane. The atmosphere dries out your nose, the air pressure numbs 1/3 of your taste buds, and low humidity levels give you cotton mouth. These factors cause the food to taste worse than it normally would.

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why was the boy sad his whole family just died in a plane crash

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How do you cause ultimate pain to a imprisoned Jew during the holocaust? Moral: You give him an apple WITH a worm in it.

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Q: Why did the black man run from the chainsaw? A: Someone was trying to kill him with it.

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what do you do when see a young girl crying on the swingset? ask her kindly to move, as you would like a turn

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What would Walt Disney do if he were alive today? Gurgle and choke inside his cryogenic vault as liquid nitrogen flooded into his lungs.

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What did the woman say to the dog? Stop shitting on my carpet your dickhole

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- Knock knock - Who's there - James - James who ? - James Redwood.

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A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

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What did the homeless man get for his birthday? AIDS

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Meanwhile in the basement...an elderly man, who lives a lone and whose children lead their own lives and dont have much time for him, lies on the ground unable to move after having falling down the stairs. He has been there for 2 days. He is frightened and confused, he hears someone knocking and his hopes perk up, he tries to call but due to lack of water his mouths is too dry to do so. He sobs in frustration. Knock Knock [Silence] The old man cries, aware of his fate.

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why do you kill people in call of duty you don't you kill computer made figures

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how many dumbasses does it take to make a kushagra

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Why do giraffes have long necks? So they can reach higher, un-eaten leaves.

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Why did the piece of gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot.

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A little boy had a candle by his bedside. It fell over. The candle was fake, and it didn't burn down his house. When he woke up, he picked up the candle, put it back on his nightstand and had a wonderful day.

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A jew walked into a bar Hitler said.... A jew walked out of a concentration camp

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Democracy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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