A man walks into a bar. Three weeks later he gets a liver transplant.

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What is worse than finding dead parents? Not finding them.

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you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

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A man walks into a bar. He has a nice drink and leaves.

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What did Johnny get for Christmas? Drugs, Johnny was a convicted drug dealer, age 19.

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What do you get if you put a baby in a blender? An Erection

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Why did the boy jump off the building? To get to the bottom.

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Why am I constipated? I ate fiber glass insulation.

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how man

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Is this the Krusty Crab? Yes.

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This is not a joke, I'm just bored (or am I?)

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A man walks into a bar and sees a man with a big orange head. The man asks the bartender, "Why does that guy have a big orange head?" The bartender replies," If you buy him a beer, maybe he'll tell you." So the man buys a beer and gives it to the man with the big orange head and asks why he has a big orange head. The man says, "One day I found a genie and my first wish was to be the richest man in the world, my second wish was to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world, and for my third wish, I told the genie,'Ya know, why don't you give me a big orange head."

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why did the plant eat a banana? it was hungry

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What did the you know what screw this I'm sick of making these stupid jokes there all the same. Hang on hang on What did the pirate do to the dog yes This style of joking is so different I'm going to be a famous comedian oh wait there's a whole bloody website full of these. O look another one and another one and another one that knife over there looks really nice right now

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There was once a Polish man who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you Polish?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you Polish or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "My grandmother was Polish. I could tell by your accent."

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knock knock who's there? F uck F uck who? F uck off

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A pony goes to the doctor saying his throat hurts, the doctor sais "oh I know, your a little hoarse". The pony replies, no I'm not ass-hole I have strep throat.

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Evan Ramsey hahaha go CAD

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Whats black and white and red all over?? Half a zebra

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Why were Billy's parents laughing at him? Because he was just diagnosed with cancer!

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What is big, round, hairy, black with a little bit of white and red stripes, large feet, small hands, squinty eyes and a purple beret? Nothing. How ridiculous.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Q:Why did the Grape divorce the Prune? A:Because he was tired of Rasin kids! :D

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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