What did the fork say to the spoon? I have tongs and you don't. Ha.

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50 gay man and a homophobe are in a nightclub in Florida ...you know how the rest goes.

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How do you make a person dissapear? You can't that would break the laws of physics, so therefore rendered impossibe.

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Do you play piano? No

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A fake pizza delivery guy goes to a party and tries to deliver DiGornios pizza in another companys pizza box. The party host calls the police and the guy gets charged for stealing another companys uniform and impersonating a pizza palace worker. He had to return the uniform.

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With all due respect, I do underestimate myself, there is not a single person I know that has not told me that, but if I wanted to, I would not even had to make the effort to have you removed, hell I had to pull favors and owe people things in order to keep you safe. I could have said the rest of you, but had I not known you, had you not been one of my co-workers back then, I would not have gone to the extremes that i did, you are beautiful, but what does that have to do with anything? Do you think that if I did not know you I would go "that one is sexy, release her?" Even if I did, I do not have authority, I work for them.

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why was the girl unhappy? because she was stapled to a shark.

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A man falls out of a boat. What happens next? Well, you would think he'd know how to swim, but due to his alzheimer's he didn't, so he drowned.

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How often does the lesbian vampire group meet up? Never. Lesbians don't exist.

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why did amelia earhart get lost? because she was a woman

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what did the duck with roller skates say to the camel? how are the wife and kids?

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Knock, Knock? Who's there? Its Gilly.

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Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

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Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius.

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Q. have you seen Helen Keller house A. niether has she

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There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

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Person: hey buddy have you heard the greteat news Freind: yea you have aids Person: no my wife jusr became a pristatue an she had ten patients already i was her first

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Why did Dan fall of his bicycle? Because somebody threw a refrigerator at him.

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How do you make a clown cry? Kill his family

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Whats funnier than a baby in a jar? A baby in ten jars.

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What did Marsha say when she ate the apple pie? Nothing. It would be rude for her to talk with her mouth full.

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Who, what, when, why, how, where, and which? Your Honor, i think my client would like to plead guilty.

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I used to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean. I'm still addicted to heroin, though. No chance I'm ever giving that up.

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Why is travis so funny? Trick question, He died of cancer 3 years ago.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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